Anntique antics

Long time passing .....

2010-12-04T13:58:00.002Z

It's such a long time since I blogged you could be forgiven for thinking I had hidden away from the world. For those who appreciate this form of contact, I'll endeavour to write a quick update. The upside of my non-communication is that you will be spared a blow-by-blow account of my fortunes over the last little while! ;-)

Summary:

re mother: my sister referred to the emotional roller-coaster, with good reason ... she is still here, despite our having been told twice that she was unlikely to last more than a week or two; she is frail and fragile and any hiccup in her care (non-appearance of the district nurse, any illness)results in a crisis which means my sister has to sort it out; she is on morphine because she has painful arthritis, so she tends to repeat herself and forget things more than we are used to; she still has her weekly German class (they come to her) and loves to have people come to see her. One carer thought she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's, but my sister reassured me that was not the case (having trained as a Special Needs teacher she knows a bit about how the brain works) and on reflection I realised the symptoms described could very well be due to tiredness or the sort of confusion you get into when you feel hassled (and she will always feel she doesn't want to cause more bother than she can help, so that applies)and the morphine won't help, either. I wish there was more co-ordination between herbalists and the NHS as I'd like to see what alternative pain relief might do.

re: sister (Fiona) she is the one who has to organise anything my mother needs, along with a part-time job and a busy and demanding household. She has managed to have a couple of much-needed breaks (I sent her away to Aylesford Priory in Kent on one occasion, the other she spent in France arranging the juicing and bottling of their apples). All this makes for a lot of stress and any of you who read this and are the praying sort, please do.

re: brother (James) is now project-managing the security system for the shopping centre on the Olympic site. As it's right over the opposite side of London (he's West and it's East) he has a long commute and doesn't get home until 8pm; given that the morning commute must mean an early start that doesn't give him much time during the week, though he still sings in local productions.

re: me What happened to my immune system I don't know, but mid-August I got a nasty cold which turned into a chest infection and 10 days of antibiotics :-( I had been planning to clear the decks to be ready for the new academic year .... best laid plans o' mice and men .... and I was still taking antibiotics when I went to the opening course residential.

I am, as usual, way behind with my studies, but must catch up and complete this year because I cannot forever dilly-dally. I plan on getting Christmass wrapped up this weekend so that I can then have a straight road ahead. Preoccupation with my mother's health (predominant last year) leaves me unsatified: there is only so much I can do and I need to study, for myself (as well as for the very good reason that I will otherwise get thrown off the course - and that I don't want!). I did feel at one point last year that it was all of no avail because it wouldn't keep my mother alive, but since then I have realised how very keen she is for me to continue (she always asks what I am reading, however much of a muddle she might get into, and she isn't expecting to hear that I've been reading a novel!). After she dies it will be a fitting memorial to her to take the course through to the end. I could use her knowledge of St Paul when I get to that module, but I think I will have to rely on inspiration from above as its two years away! My assignment on him will be written in memorial to both my parents, both keen students of St. Paul, who between them had a wealth of knowledge through sheer familiarity with the texts.

We have had very cold weather early in the winter: today is a little warmer - just a short respite from the North/North-East winds - why can't it get stuck at South rather than North? Last night I heard a thud outside the conservatory that sounded like someone's boots on the snow: I think it was the snow sliding off the conservatory roof onto the snowy decking below.

That's it for now!

Sorrow of love (and a little joy) .....

2010-07-05T19:38:00.009+01:00

I have been trying to get an assignment finished for the last little while ... and am still trying .... interrupted by quite some little while when I had more resemblance to a dormouse than anything else. I suspect it was genuine lack of sleep, concern about my studies and worry about my mother all piling up somewhere in the back of my mind and telling me I didn't want to know, thank you.

Sleeping pattern is now improved. That happened the moment I let the course secretary know I would have to intercalate. This was followed up by an email to the course director explaining my position and making a formal request to intercalate. He then rang me and agreed, so I've spent the last week or so luxuriating in being able to relax. The pleasure is somewhat clouded by knowing from Burrswood, who are giving my mother the once-over to check that she is getting what is the best option for her now, that her kidney function is markedly different from how it was in September when she went there to convalesce - not good news.

Whereas before Fiona was speaking in terms of depression or whatever being the cause of mum being under the weather, she is now talking in terms of her age and that it cannot be long before we lose her ... I have had the feeling all along that this has been the case and hoped against hope I was wrong, as things are often attributed to old age and left, to the detriment of the patient. Hence the once-over. We are both concerned that what time she has left should be the best it can be and that she feels love and warmth around her so that she can relax into the presence of God to be ready for the last great adventure.

It is a shame that she spent what looks like having been her last Christmass with us in such a state of distress: she was very low, in pain and just could not relax. Hence the concern that she should be able to do so: if she cannot any longer DO, it is time that she should enjoy BEING. I recently read a line which seems particularly appropriate for her:

God loves you because of who He is, not because of what you did or didn't do.

and something for us all in those dark times of doubt.

Since I started writing this we have heard from Burrswood that her kidneys are failing and that we should think in terms of weeks rather than months. What a strange feeling! To know that in a very short time your mother just won't be there ... I usually send her a card every week: I was in the stationer's looking for new ones, and wondered as I chose whether I would soon be looking at them regretting that I was never able to send them.

I am not, now, sure of my priorities. Getting rid of what stuff I can from my own place is definitely high on the list, after doing what I still can for my mother: some academic work is a priority, so that I don't get behind again this year. I have emailed my course director to advise him of the situation, and I will be going to the September residential: how receptive I will be to theology remains to be seen! I need an interest outside of my mother's death - something positive when all is collapsing around me; I just hope I can concentrate.

Monday, Monday!

2010-06-14T09:21:00.002+01:00

Hope a little more sleep means more effective study as I need to get my assignment wrapped up by early next week - not before time! Hope I can then redeem my reputation with the course director and make my intended intercalation official. That will, I am sure, relieve some of the underlying stress that is affecting my sleeping pattern.

Then I have to prepare for a course residential and think of some way of bringing a little joy and pleasure into my mother's life (more difficult now, as she seems to be too weak to get here, so I have to think of something I can send there). Today would have been her wedding anniversary, an occasion I don't normally celebrate, as I reckon it's for the couple themselves, or at most other married couples, to mark the occasion, but nowadays I am conscious that I need to mark every occasion in her life just in case it is the last opportunity I will ever have. A bunch of red roses is on its way, courtesy of M+S, who I hope will get it right this time!

I wish I could find some way to support my sister: she is bearing the brunt of caring for mum and needs a break. That is difficult because the moment she is out of contact my mother goes downhill: she relies on Fiona to ensure her well-being and feels insecure without her. Even to get mum to Burrswood requires a letter from the doctor, which Fiona will have to organize, but there she may feel secure and Fiona can feel confident she is well cared for while she is away.

The person who has been caring for mum is the best of the bunch: she is unfortunately due to leave this week and I fear the next one might be the occasion of another downward turn (through no fault of her own: mum is just so sensitive to any omission in her care).

Bumping along ...

2010-06-12T09:48:00.004+01:00

True of both my mother and me! I have managed to do a little (far too little) study. A new textbook arrived this week which looks very interesting, but I must confess to having been rather relieved to find it was only loosely related to the topic I am working at: it can wait for perusal when I've more coursework under my belt. For the moment I am revising what I did earlier as I have become rather disconnected from it, and then I have another bit of reading which should wrap up the current topic, and I hope, at last get my brain into gear for the assignment.

Spoke to my sister yesterday: she was more than a little annoyed that, yet again, the doctor had been to visit my mother when she was not there. Even though the doctor had asked her to ring, the receptionist was obstructive about putting her through. One can understand filtering to a certain degree (not all on the books have been brought up, as we were, only to get the doctor when necessary: some seem to think a headache on the morning after the night before is worthy of medical attention .... ) but the result was that my sister arrived AFTER the doctor. When will the NHS realise that its patients also have busy lives and tight deadlines?

Fiona said that my mother was back to her old tricks as regards eating: making a meal of tiny portions. How can one get her to relax?? I suspect inability to do so is at the root of everything. She goes downhill if Fiona is out of reach, and Fiona needs a break: she said she was herself feeling very weary, and I am not surprised. She is dealing single-handedly with a teenage son doing exams and a frail old lady for whose well-being she has to keep constant watch and be ready to intervene.

However long my mother lives, she would not now be alive if my sister had not been to visit every day the last time she was in hospital: she would have been one more added to the statistics of those who die of starvation in hospital. What sense does it make to dump a tray of food out of reach of someone who is, anyway, too weak to eat unaided?? One fellow-student who works as a care assistant said they were told that to feed someone was an infringement of their human rights!! (That Act has been a pernicious nuisance: the interpretation of it has no respect for morality or humanity and it is constantly misused to wicked ends.) So it is NOT 'an infringement of Human Rights' to allow someone to starve to death?? My understanding of that Declaration is that it was made in response to the terrible abuses perpetrated by the Nazis: now it is used to starve the infirm to death - precisely one of those abuses. I gave my mother a stern talking to, to the effect that she was not a useless old woman because she could no longer do: she maybe had reached the time when she needed just to be. It is not for her to say if she is useful or not: she has given to various people over the years (foreign students, young and old) so she should not be ashamed to receive now that it is her turn.

Ups and downs (mainly downs ... )

2010-06-06T19:32:00.005+01:00

Still have not completed coursework! I am finding it very difficult to concentrate on study as I have not been sleeping well and there is a limit to how much I can do when tired. I know that some of the problem has been coming to terms with the fact that I have not been able to study with the commitment I hoped this year: circumstances have conspired against my new start. The other factor is undoubtedly the knowledge that my mother is increasingly vulnerable to the slightest threat to her well-being.

Her carer appears to have been doing everything she can for my mother: encouraging her to move around, to eat, reading to her while she is eating so she doesn't have time to realise how much she has eaten and keeping her spirits up. Despite that she was very weak last week: it took her a long time to get to the bathroom and she would forget why she was there. I tried to speak to her on Friday and after a very short time (five minutes?) she said hadn't we better hang up. So I did. Maybe that was a mistake: she might have been distracted and would have continued to speak after a while. The carer, who by now must know her better than any of us, says it is just the extreme weariness of old age ...neither Fiona nor I are convinced.

I was much relieved to talk to her today for quite a long time: as I was doing most of the talking I'm not quite sure how much she was taking in. She responded to my query as to whether material of a spiritual nature (spoken rather than read) would be a help by saying she didn't know. I suspect that was her usual (maddening!) indecisiveness (which I have, even more maddeningly, inherited!) rather than incomprehension.

I was glad to learn that she was getting more visits from church people: I have felt they were neglecting her. I haven't dared suggest they visit, as the last time I tried the message came back on the grapevine that I had been critical of the person concerned. I only meant to be firm and stern enough to get something done, but either I was too straight (Northern fashion?) or it came over all too well as I meant it to without having the desired effect! Either way, I hastily sent messages that I hadn't meant to be critical (true: I did want them to pull their socks up, but wouldn't have wanted it to come over that way so obviously that that was what they remembered!) as they are basically good people. Even less would I have wanted them to feel bad as I discovered afterwards that they had suggested bringing my mother communion, only to be told they needn't as she wasn't used to it that often, having been brought up Church of Scotland.

I suspect that had more to do with not wanting to be a bother than her upbringing. I gave her a stern lecture today to the effect that she had given to so many people over the years that it was now her turn to receive and to enjoy as much as she could. She might not have been conscious of giving, but the fact remains that many people remember her with affection and thankfulness. I also gave her a stern lecture on the fact that her being was not defined by what she could do or her capacity to think: those are parts of her, but her being is greater than either capacity: her incapacity does NOT mean she has ceased to be a human being. I added that the last Pope had been greatly incapacitated, but that he was was precisely what the world needed to see and learn from. The fact that she is still here means she still has usefulness: it is up to the Lord to decide when she has no longer (at which point he will take her elsewhere).

I can see I shall have to have another look at the Philosophy textbook!

Even longer time ....

2010-05-06T10:40:00.003+01:00

Have been trying to catch up with said coursework (unsucessfully) hence long silence/blank space.

Mother no longer has spasms but is always touch and go as to well-being and vulnerable to any omissions in her care. She is showing signs of failing short-term memory. This may well be due to the fact that the last person who came and cared:

- wasn't giving her enough protein supplement;
- didn't talk to her (if you keep a conversation going, she eats more because she forgets to worry about it);
- cooked, but because she was a smoker, the food didn't taste of anything.

Doesn't mean the lady is a bad carer, but she's not the one for my mother!

One day, when my sister telephoned, mum said she was so lonely and could sister come over ... and that was with someone with her full-time. Fiona is doing so much to keep her physical well-being as good as it can be (and that is hard work!). I would love to provide for her mental well-being a bit (can't help with the physical as it involved too much going to and fro) but I would have to get agreement from college to spread this year over next as well to give me time.

Have put out feelers to do so, and the other end (friend who is staff and student) says they are tightening up on that. I feel guilty because I promised coursework and it hasn't materialized (yet). I stupidly sent an email to the course director saying it would be delayed because I had a cold and he was not best pleased - said a degree course needed commitment. True. So can see sense of aforementioned friend suggesting that it would be unwise to ask favours without getting an essay in first. It looks all too much as though I was applying to study and then said: "I don't fancy playing this year after all - can I play next year instead?" which is hardly the way to gain brownie points ....

If the reason I want a two year spread is to spread the load to free up time to support my mother, leaving all the coursework till next year makes a nonsense of that, so I need some done anyway. What I would hope to do is to spend some time doing things to boost my mother's mental well-being; in particular, there's a bit of family history she's always wanted to research, and I could do a lot of that on the internet for her. I can't give enough time to study if I do that, but I need to do it now (next summer might well be too late) and so need to spread the study. My mother and I would both be unhappy if I had to give it up.

So I need inspiration - fast! And a sympathetic reception when I speak to our director.

Looooong time .....

2010-03-18T09:57:00.004Z

since you heard from me. Reason being, I have been busy!

The good news is that my mother is now much better and more consistently so: even the spasms in her neck are hardly bothering her (thanks to the osteopath and a physio friend of Fiona's who is teaching her how to sit to suit her neck. Fiona is determined to get her back to where she was in the Autumn (which will take time) and not to let her lie back and make old age an excuse for not doing anything.

It's difficult to know what's for the best: she still needs full-time care. We are gradually getting a list of people who suit her and Fiona is briefing them to encourage her to do as much as she can rather than running around after her too much. She needs a project to get stuck into, but what? The weather has got warmer, so she will be able to go out for a short walk and perhaps Fiona will drive her to the park to see the Spring happening (while it is - we are back to North winds next week!!)

I have been to Birmingham for a course residential and got hauled over the coals by the course director (with good reason: study has hardly happened this winter). So the 'busy' is with coursework (which didn't get off to a good start even when I did get going, as I came back from Birmingham with a cold.) I swear to it Virgin trains recycle everybody's germs around the train!

Sometimes I combine business with pleasure and decamp to the local coffee shop with my textbook. I sometimes work better with a background buzz of conversation. This does NOT apply if someone is having a good chinwag just next door to me, and even less does it if said person is yummy mummy plus sprog, and sprog is whingeing/screaming (or both!)!!

I haven't had time to make any cards recently, but here are some I made earlier:

Swings and roundabouts

2010-01-14T23:11:00.002Z

I was sad to hear that the spasms in my mother's neck had been more frequent, but I understand she is eating rather than not (how much?) and she did put it down to her not having been able to get to the osteopath because it was just too icy, rather than just feeling horribly negative about it. She was expecting her German class to come yesterday and concerned that she wouldn't be able to speak much. What has happened since I do not know, as I always forget to ring when it's appropriate and remember at some awkward time (when she is likely to be eating or sleeping!).

We need a little light relief among all this concern, and we got it .... in a way ... with the mystery of the disappearing puddings

Last Friday, my sister had made some baked custard in ramekins and a dish of rice pudding for my mother. On Sunday she found the empty dishes, but my mother said she hadn't eaten it. James and Liz, who were visiting, hadn't had it either .... so where had it gone??

My brother in law had spent most of Friday with my mother and remarked to the carer that there was a fox in the garden that was looking a bit hungry. The carer said to my sister one evening that she was just going downstairs for a moment .... and, given that the carer had said things that suggested a sentimental approach to animals .... we wonder if she took the puddings down to the fox!!

I regard urban foxes as a nuisance only one step removed from rodents and think it a dreadful waste to feed such good food to them, especially as my sister is so busy and my mother so much in need of it! However we only have circumstantial evidence ...

How come?

2010-01-10T10:40:00.004Z

How come the chefs on TV are seen doing marvellous things to food, undoubtedly using a number of utensils in the process .... which all seem to disappear without any sign of washing up??

That fairy doesn't live in my house!

Definition of reality TV: one shot per cookery programme of the resultant washing up.

The end of last week saw considerable confusion as to my mother's health. Someone was obviously trying to contact me fairly urgently, which would suggest a turn for the worse (which I already know has happened, so what was so important?). Eventually got through, to find that the doctor had had a word with my sister to say that my mother had heart failure, and that was what she was wanting to tell me. We already know she has; she has had it for decades and the hospital said her heart was consistent with someone her age. It will undoubtedly, fail more as time passes, as will mine. The doctor also said there had been no fundamental change since she was in hospital in September: that is good news because she was recovering quite well after that; opinion was that she could recover fully, but it will take time, quite some time, because she is an old lady.

The bad news is that she cannot sustain other threats to her health in the way, particularly, of stomach upsets: that is the point at which it becomes dangerously critical, the more so as she stops eating (when she doesn't, anyway, eat enough to have any reserves to keep her alive when she doesn't). The tactic she has always adopted, and which she taught us, of fasting or eating very little until the infection has run its course, is not appropriate any longer. Now the thing to do is to take something for it and keep on eating while taking some care not to have anything that is too taxing on the system. It it these additional factors which will have changed the prospects of recovery. I no longer keep to the old habits: infection leaves my muscles weak, as I discovered when I was ill a while back, and I need all the strength I have got! Added to which, I live alone so do not have anyone to look after me if I am ill and need to stay strong enough to do it myself (and make sure I have food I can microwave quickly available!).

Where she is concerned just now there is a glimmer of light: she is beginning to remark on things other than her state of health, like the fact that she missed the chance to have a chat with me at Christmass due to being so ill. She still has the spasms, though not so badly. She still needs to relax: that would add so much to her life and health.

Colder still and colder .. (with apologies to Elgar)

2010-01-08T22:07:00.005Z

I have decided I am not going to try to get to Mass this week, about which I feel a little guilty .... but it probably wouldn't be wise. It was just about possible last week (even if cold) but this week we have snow forecast (so no point in getting the path cleared beforehand) together with a considerable wind chill factor, so it will be more than icy sharp.

My mother is no better as far as I know - I didn't ring today. My landline phone is somewhere in the house ... I usually ring it on my mobile and the pager leads me to it, but the battery must have run down, because I got no response. I'd like to make her a card, but can't think how I could get it to her, given that the weather is not letting up for the forseeable future. It might be good to have one ready, just in case someone comes by.

I am distracted from studying because I can't quite convince myself that there is no point putting my own life on hold for fear of hers ending: I will more than likely end up intercalating (again!). Added to which, I don't yet have the essay titles ... not that I have the study done for them by a long chalk. I still feel very cut off from Maryvale: I NEED to get to a residential soon so that I feel part of it again (and in this weather I'm not sure it would be wise to travel; the inevitable hanging around waiting for taxis or trains would be a very chilly business.

Plus ca change ..... (again - what an exciting life I lead!)

2010-01-07T13:15:00.003Z

Haven't updated for a day or two, so thought progess report on mother may be needed. She has those darn spasms back in her neck (again!) though not as badly, and still has a cough: the osteopath said her neck was better than it had been, so let's hope it isn't as bad this time. We are all encouraging her to eat and drink and she has maybe got a little more appetite than she had. She had a visit from German friends whose daughter is studying in London, so that will have been something a little different to cheer her. I sent Fiona with some miniature daffs in a pot and a bowl of narcissi to plant; as she has always loved to garden, I hope watching them grow will give her something to look forward to: as I can't do the practical stuff, I have made it my mission to do the extras - shame I can't help with things more necessary, because it means Fiona has to do it all.

We are not snowed in here, though I am hibernating (it was cold enough going to Mass last week!) It's not worth getting anybody to clear the path as we have more snow forecast. The next thing on the agenda is LOTS of study - I hope I might get the essay titles in the post and if so I will need to get on with it!!

Shiny new ....

2010-01-04T11:35:00.004Z

(and very chilly!) Monday morning, first of the new year, shiny new coursebook, ditto textbook (embarrassing at this stage in the year ... LOTS of catch-up to do!!), shiny new essay titles to follow when Maryvale term starts (today or Thursday?), shiny new, accusing icons on desktop in due course!!

Two shiny new commandments, specially for me:

Thou shalt not spend the whole morning on facebook;

Thou shalt not eat like a horse.

Next stop: the sitting room (where I can put my little heater on and keep warm :-) )

winter chill

2010-01-02T12:44:00.003Z

The bathroom has been cold in the morning, despite the heating being on - must be all those cold tiles ...

Have used new casserole dish to make tasty stew: as I had a nibble yesterday and enjoyed it, I was so conscious of my mother who just doesn't enjoy food at the moment, worse, does not eat. Even if you have no appetite (and I have, believe it or not, been depressed enough, and anxious about eating to an extent that nothing I ate tasted good) you HAVE TO EAT. I most worried that I would be unable to eat because of the overbearing anxiety - I knew I had to. For some reason we cannot get this over to our mother.

I must get on with some study. It's not good to be worrying about my mother, especially as there's so little we can do. I need something else in my life (and it is urgent to study, or I'll have a serious case of exam nerves come the summer .... and that is one thing I am NOT inflicting on myself again!).

Rang Fiona (with some trepidation) to find that the news is better: mum had a decent supper last night and a good night's sleep. Both will, I hope, have broken the anxiety a little, enough to get her out of the vicious circle of being down because not eating and not eating because down: but, as Fiona said, she is not out of the woods yet. She needs to get used to eating properly and do so for long enough to get beyond the stage where she is in danger of collapse. She will always be an old lady who needs looking after, and will probably need encouragement, but that we can do; when care and encouragement seem to have no effect we can do nothing. It may be significant that she asked Fiona "Have I eaten enough?", rather than complaining she doesn't feel like eating and we were filling her up. She has failed to eat enough for over 25 years, and now that she is old she is vulnerable to the effects. When she is relaxed she is much more able to eat, so it is important that she doesn't worry, but it is so difficult for someone who is a born worrier to relax. It would be such a special gift of God if she could let go of the worry and relax for the last lap of her life - not just so that she could eat well, but so that she would live as the person fully alive that is the glory of God. Another positive, and a very important one, is that the person who is caring for her at the moment is someone who cares: practical things done with love and warmth can make a real difference.

Christmass!

2010-01-01T12:23:00.001Z

Long time no blog ... things got busy (as they do). Had pressies wrapped for usual visit to sister and hoped to give mum a day to remember as she has been under the weather and down, so needed a boost. Also hoped to catch up with other family as we were only the immediate family, hence might have a chance to chat more than in a room full of various people.

A day to remember it was, but NOT the way we hoped. Mum has been weak ever since she was ill in the Autumn (not surprising: it takes time when you are coming up for 90 ... ) but was getting better. Unfortunately she again developed the spasms in her neck which had plagued her last time she was ill. So she spent the day inert and non-participant (those of you who know her will realise just how far away from her usual self that was, and therefore seriously worrying). Fiona did what she could to calm her, but she spent the day frightened of the next spasm. As they come on more when she is tense, come on they did, and so she got tense ...

Several events had combined to bring this about. She is tired of feeling weak (but I know from when I was seriously ill that it does take a LONG time) and I'm sure feels she will never recover (we are assured she will but it will take time). She has full-time care at the moment: inevitably it varies somewhat in quality and compatibility with her - some people are doing a job, the best really care and are on the same wavelength; just recently we had one of the "lesser breed" who had possibly gone back to work too soon after an operation herself. Added to that everybody was, inevitably, busy (apologies to the person at her church who thought I was being critical about the lack of visits: I didn't mean it to come over that way, only to say she needed visits.) She also has an infection which is giving her a cough (fortunately not in the chest, but higher up) and got the runs through taking syrup of figs to counteract the codeine she was taking for her neck. Not surprisingly, it is ages since she had a decent night's sleep ....

What a catalogue of ills! It's not surprising she is a more than little depressed ... but she needs to eat, so she can regain strength, and she just doesn't realise how little she eats even when she is not under the weather. She most needs love and warmth and companionship to encourage her to keep going. (Unfortuanately I cannot get into her place.) There is a little light at the end of the tunnel: the osteopath says her neck is easing up, and she now has antibiotics for the cough which should start working soon.

Rang Fiona, who has borne the brunt of this, to find she is at her wits' end as our mother will not eat. She apparently feels nauseous (lack of food would be enough to cause that, ditto anxiety) and tends to the runs (possibly antibiotics, though the doctor did go for the ones that don't?) ... so she worries before she eats and after she eats ... in case she sets either off. She HAS to eat, otherwise she will die just as surely as those who starved to death under the Nazis or the Japs and she so much deserves better than that. I hate throwing up myself, so I can understand how hard it is, but her digestion will go up the creek by reason of starvation in its own right and then she will genuinely be unable to eat.

Not the best start to the New Year! Let's hope it gets better!

slow progress

2009-12-16T23:07:00.002Z

Due in part to my being lazy. Person did not come to clean as her car lights had gone kaputt and she had to wait at the garage for someone to see to them. Shame, but unavoidable, especially with it being dark and sleety - you need your lights, and how!

We have long since lost the mild weather and it has set in to be horribly cold, with no respite for the forseable future: a persistent East wind over Christmass (when it usually lets up for a bit). Being an East wind, we get the worst of it; if it is a North wind we sometimes have it a little easier while the brunt of it hits Scotland and the North. (If we are very lucky, it gets stuck north of us!) That is the main reason I would not go to live in Scotland, much as I would love to.

Christmass cards are done, bar one; still have to wrap pressies. Was intending to do that today, but have been horrendously lazy. Must have early night so I can get going tomorrow: hope I can get someone to post them for me so I don't have to go out.

Rat man is due and I hope he will sign me off as free of infestation ;-) :-)

progress (of a sort)

2009-12-05T12:49:00.002Z

Parcel of craft goodies arrived and I have sorted the Secret Santa, ditto a pressie for a friend (which is a bit for now and more for Christmass). I just have to remember to take them with me to post next time I go out ;-) I was hoping to get most of Christmass sorted this weekend. Despite my determination to allow minimal disruption, the obligation I feel to do something is distracting me, so I hope to get as much as I can done tomorrow. I reckon I can get my cards out of the way now that it is December and then will only have to put stamps on them later, when the stamps arrive. I was hoping to do my mother's update for her, but it hasn't got here yet :-( means I will have to do it next week, as she is anxious about it.

Have decided tomorrow morning is the best option for Mass as it started raining tonight. Prefer the Vigil Mass, but it's dark and cold (and the church heating isn't effective enough - it's warmed up by the morning!)

family saga?

2009-12-04T10:13:00.002Z

Follow-up visit from the rat man yesterday: he asked me if I had noticed a lessening of activity and recommended leaving the trays for another two weeks as there was still plenty in them. Difficult to assess activity, as the main activity was eating my M+S bread, which I have since removed to a rat-proof place; ditto with the choccie. Hope the little one was the last of the family and haven't seen any since then.

Meanwhile, Christmass is impinging on my time. I took part in an advent calendar swap on http://craftsbycarolyn.co.uk/craftforum/index.php and am enjoying opening my little parcels. It takes time putting it together, but it's great fun to do. I now have a pressie ready for my niece, which will be taken to Zimbabwe by someone who is flying out on Saturday. Orders have gone out to the German deli for goodies to eat (for me and my mum) and to Calico Crafts (for goodies for a friend's pressie and the Secret Santa on C by C). I hope they are quicker than the people I ordered from last year: my order has already been dispatched, so should come soon.

One day, I might even get some study done ..... Sunday is reserved for my own Christmass cards and my mother's letter (which needs to be done quickly as otherwise she will panic). Otherwise, I need to go to Croydon for trousers and possibly one or two pressies and that I hope will be all, apart from an order to Sainsburys.

My shoulder is gradually getting better so I hope that distracting discomfort will ease off in time: unfortunately the position I need to sit in to take notes is one that sets it off, so the sooner it gets better, the better!

Poor wee thing (well .... er ..... )

2009-11-30T09:15:00.005Z

Last Wednesday morning at six am I was on my way to the bathroom when I found something soft but not squishy, firm but not hard .... so after I was done I had a look to see what it could be and found a sweet little baby rat, expired between bathroom and kitchen. He looked so innocent that I felt quite guilty as having caused his demise ... (well, for as long as it took me to remember that the main sewer runs through the garden just under the windows!) As I suspect that is his ancestral home, there is no way I want him and his family around my house!! I hope he is the last of them: I suspect he was driven to search for food by his mother having feasted on the baited stuff. Whether it was he or another of the brood that decided to use my bathroom as a dining room and left the turquoise stuff on the floor ....

For those of you that are busily thinking: YUCK!!! it was not nearly as horrid a feeling to pick up a baby rat as it was when I knelt down to shut the conservatory door one summer night and knelt on a slug .... which made a nasty squishy mess on my trousers: THAT felt really yucky! Though I did NOT pick up said rat in my bare hands ... and he had chosen the right morning to die as I could put him out with the rubbish that day (I'd rather have buried him in the garden, but ... and the foxes might have dug him up ... yuck!)

I hope that is the end of the saga of the rat(s).

Otherwise, I got the house ready for the osteopath to come and see to my shoulder. The person who normally helps my mother out has come to clean for me and the house looks fresher and cleaner than it has for months. Hopefully we can have a good go at it while my mother has full-time help. The osteopath came and had a good go at my shoulder: it still causes discomfort (and I am a bit tired of that) but she said it would take time, especially as I can't really rest it.

Now showing: Fatal attraction

2009-11-21T23:26:00.004Z

My last post reported the intrusion of a rat into the house. I had arranged a visit from pest control: no show on Friday. I was booked in again for Monday: no show. This rat was getting more reprieves than an inmate on Death Row, and I was looking up the gestation period of the rat on the Internet to see how long before there was a horde scampering around ... given that it might have been in residence some time before I realised it was.

On Wednesday the rat man came at last. Agreed possible entry via hole near washing machine, but you never can tell. Put down trays of stuff that looked like turquoise green cat litter which is a grain-based poisoned bait, fortunately not critical if you come into contact with it so I don't have to be neurotic, just wash my hands as necessary. Informed how long it takes to get rid depends on how greedy the rat is - so I hope it is the sort that would eat a whole packet of biscuits in one go! Removed other possible attractions (chocolate) so it had no options. Trays going down so hope rat on way out. Technician will call again in two weeks to check progress. Meanwhile info he left informs me that a single rat is most often a pregnant female looking to start a new colony, litter size six, gestation three weeks ....

NOT IN MY KITCHEN!!

I guessed as much - even the three weeks. Internet said it could be one that had been chucked out of its original colony, which makes sense if it is a young male. Could be that the older, established one didn't like the competition.

Either way it is (creatura?) non grata.

Engineer has been to repair machine and discovered battery charger was faulty and was overcharging the batteries. Batteries and charger both damaged and so required replacement. Hope this marks end of saga, but will still look into more powerful alternative.

Am now noticing the early arrival of the dark evenings: by 4 pm it is nearly dark and I am not inclined to go out. That is why I study: it gives me something constructive and rewarding to do in the too-long days of winter. Hopefully this week I will be able to get going on it.

Rats!

2009-11-15T16:46:00.002Z

It is two weeks since I blogged: allow one for that cold to work its way out, and you would imagine I have spent the last week getting some study done ....

the best laid plans o' mice and men ... or, in this case, rats and men. On Monday morning I came to the kitchen to get my breakfast to find a pile of shredded bread on the floor ... what on earth???? And my M+S bread looked as though someone had attacked it. I didn't look too closely and fished a more-or-less intact slice out of the pack. The next morning I found another pile of shredded bread: once may be a fluke (the bread is very soft and difficult to spread so I thought it had collapsed inwards) but twice is something else. Having been a bit early-morning dozy the first time, this time I looked for something else for my breakfast as I was pretty certain something was into my bread.

Somewhat of a mystery, as my kitchen floor is tiled on a concrete base, so reasonably proof against invasion. However, after I had made my chicken casserole I left the kitchen and as I did saw a nose poking under the door, followed by a creature bigger and darker than a mouse, which came out from behind my fridge and disappeared I know not where. My best mate, who has had rats in her kitchen, says it is small for a rat, but I think that is what it is. If it is a small one it will have brothers and sisters, if it is a big one it is old enough to have babies ... either way I do not want it, and still less its companions, scampering all over my kitchen floor.

I called the Council and made an appointment for the rat man to come. I thought of getting a trap or two, but I need expertise, because getting rid of one rat will not get to the bottom of it: I need to know where it's getting in so I can block the gap. It looks as though it's gnawed at the Artex near the washing machine, but there's no hole to see. After calling the rat man, I remembered there used to be a cupboard behind the units next to it, which was covered with a panel of hardboard when they fitted the kitchen ... that could be a handy place for a rat to make a home ... Just in case, I asked around after Mass for an odd-job/handyman who could see to the hole and might have found someone.

Added to this, on the last two Sundays my little scooter has suddenly lost power. Last Sunday I had to get a neighbour to push me home from the traffic lights at the end of the road, and this week I had to get a taxi home - with a very kind driver who gave me push up the ramp into the house - so he won't need to go to the gym this week! The machine has a persistent fault, it seems, and the engineer can't test it himself: I have to road test it myself. There is now a model of the same small machine with a bigger battery which might be worth investing in. The size is perfect for my trips to Birmingham as I can get it into a taxi and around the house when I get there, but I have always had to be careful to watch the battery gauge as it runs down fairly quickly (and is a mite optimistic, to boot!). Not due to the size of the machine as the previous one I used was the same size and I had more warning. A bigger battery would give me more range (enough for me not to have to curtail my shopping trips, I hope) and more warning.

If you have been patient enough to bear with me so far, here's the chance of a reward:

Hop over to http://craftyhazelnut.blogspot.com/

where there is blog candy up for grabs.

What the doctor ordered ... so very NOT!

2009-11-06T11:41:00.002Z

The textbooks I had ordered from Amazon arrived yesterday - lovely new books and one looks fascinating. Unfortunately a cold came along too (definitely NOT on the plan!) and so I have a woolly head, which is not conducive to OT studies!

My shoulder still hurts a bit, so large scale practical work is not a good option (though if I could move enough stuff around to find another book it would be a help) and I have a sore thumb (so small scale practical work can only be done a little at a time).....

Annoying in the extreme! Neither facebook nor novels appeal (I'm ready to study) but I can't take any of the things that would clear my head because they aren't compatible with the stuff I have to take already .... frustration!!

Monday morning!

2009-11-02T20:24:00.002Z

and there is a nip in the air there wasn't before!

Midday brought the post and the vital letter from Maryvale telling me my first year results. I am now officially second year!

My first year grade was a B, which was a bit disappointing as I would have liked it to be B+, but I think I fluffed those two exams and so reckon I have got my just deserts. I was just very tired and I am not that good at exams - I have too much of a tendency to waffle. In an essay I can edit it out and replace it with better, but exams don't allow you that luxury! My last three essays were B+ and one A-, the rest of the eight B, so I just didn't have the extra edge I needed.

Study calls!

2009-10-31T13:17:00.003Z

I still have an iffy shoulder and I am still short of sleep! A loud THUD on the floor on Thursday heralded the arrival of the second year coursebooks and essay deadlines, so I will be hard at it as of Monday. I am already past the first deadline as I was doing exams, so I will have to give the more detailed work a miss: one thing I am determined not to do again is to have coursework outstanding at exam time!

One recommendation in the coursebook runs like this: "only recommended to those who relish the challenge of exploring the approaches of unadulterated modern German Biblical scholarship" Thus will be thorough, hard work and time-consuming, I have no doubt! If I were not already behind I might have been tempted ... but as I am ... see above (and no crocodile tears). I must get on to the Amazon site and find the more suitable alternatives. Ditto my OT history textbook ... where on earth is that??

Sleepyhead - still!

2009-10-28T12:00:00.003Z

I am getting way too familiar with the output of the World Service! Sensible people are fast asleep under the duvet until at least 7.30, not awake at 5 am! At least I can now drop off during the day ... I am so glad I am shot of the little madam who was (not) doing my garden earlier in the year.

There is no way I would have allowed her anywhere near here once I started studying again, and I would have used the fact that I had course fees to pay to explain why I didn't want to spend any more. My family thought I would have fallen for her sob storiea but I had already made my mind up and would not have budged: she did not mix with study and that was that; I would not have been prepared to risk my studies for her silly nonsense.

Why do I mention her? Her successor came today and did the garden: we have bulbs planted front and back and as it has been warm and wet I hope they are growing nice and fat so they have a good chance of coming up in the Spring. I have not (yet) seen evidence of squirrels trying to dig them up and so hope they are safe; another advantage of the warmer weather just now might be that the squirrels have plenty to eat and don't need to raid my bulbs as they did the daffodils at home in the last years we were there. I await the arrival of the yellow crocuses to see if all I have done is provide a tasty snack for the birds: I would have got all purple ones, but I got a mixed box and that included yellow ones (which I love to see, but the birds love to eat!)

My shoulder is a little better, but will take at least three days to recover so no heaving things around for the moment.

The fat lady sings ....

2009-10-27T18:19:00.003Z

I have not posted for ages, so a quick update as to events over the last month or so.

The exam nerves well and truly kicked in about ten days before the event and I spent the last vital week half asleep, with revision conspicuous by its absence. As a result, I changed the topics I was looking at and chose the ones that weren't so difficult to remember. It was a great help that the papers were just five straight questions with no restrictions on which you chose, and I am really glad I wasn't sitting Church History as the topics were horrid!

The matter was further complicated by the fact that Maryvale rang on the Wednesday to ask if I could alter my arrangements, as the room I use was needed for a priest who was lecturing the same weekend. So I spent some time sorting that. Next time I will make sure we find another solution: it really isn't practical for me to decamp to the hotel down the road as the ground floor accommodation is across the car park and down a steep slope for which my scooter is underpowered. I needed a push from members of the public to get to eat in the main building that night and, even in the morning when I had recharged the machine and it was at the height of its power, I only just got up there - by pushing the handlebars like you'd push a bike and throwing my body forward - not something I would want to risk in cold, wet weather!

Both stations were absolutely teeming on the Saturday morning and again when I came back on Monday. It's a good thing I wasn't needing to revise on the way back: lots of kids and lots of noise! I am now reading fiction that has nothing whatsoever to do with theology (unless you count the fact that it will free up some bookshelf space for the textbooks!).

The change in arrangements also meant that I had to do the exams on Sunday (what was that bit in the Penny Catechism about not doing servile work??) and because I was in transit between dwellings I missed Mass, too! Hopefully, the fact that I had changed my plans as an act of kindness to a sick priest will make it OK. By the time I actually got to do the exams, I was past caring if I passed or not and just wanted to get them over with for good or ill. Don't ask me how I did: there is no way of telling. Four answer books await the scrutiny of the examiners and the Exam Board meets on Wednesday. If the posties are on strike I will be hopping mad!

I am also hopping mad with whoever decreed that disabled loos should be way higher than ordinary ones: the grabrails are a help, but the extra height makes it very difficult for me. I know other people don't want to be low down, but you can get gadgets to raise the seat. If the seat is too high you're stuck with it (and I have a pulled muscle in my shoulder as a result). Hopefully that will right itself in a day or two - it usually does. So for the moment I don't dare be too active: my plans to sort things neglected out are on hold and the place is strewn with 'dead' coffee mugs: evidence of my preoccupations over the last little while!

Sleepyhead!

2009-09-26T10:18:00.002+01:00

I keep waking up at 5.30 am and not getting back to sleep again ... not good! Tried a late afternoon siesta yesterday, but that didn't help. This usually means I am keyed up about something, but a month before the exams is a little too early for comfort ...

My mother is in Lewisham hospital with a liver infection - repeat performance of what happened last time I started studying ;) She is already much better than when she went in on Sunday night, but liver and kidney function still not right, so further investigations on the way. A scan had been ordered for Thursday and my sister spent Friday making sure it got done before Monday (which is when the X-ray department saw fit to schedule it): the consultant was unhappy, so it did get done. However, my sister spent nine hours there as my mother's minder, and it shouldn't take that to make it happen.

Ah well, back to the textbook ....

Until further notice ...

2009-09-20T10:53:00.003+01:00

New postings on this blog are liable to be sporadic .... until we change the clocks (!!) I should have my head well and truly down studying for those exams and time off is for keeping myself fed and watered ... time on line will have to be rationed to short breaks (with the possible exception of Masterchef - which I will download and watch in small doses last thing at night to relax).

I have spent way too much time web-hopping already - time to be out and about.

I have, however, bought my train ticket (one of those things that can take a large chunk of time because I first have to find how to work the system to avoid travelling across London). For some reason the general train sites were telling me there waa nothing doing for my return journey whereas Virgin found me my usual route through Watford. I have even discovered that I can travel via Reading on Sundays, which will save me money on the next residential as I won't have to stay at Maryvale overnight - hurrah! (Not that I mind, but it does cost me because it's not included in the fees .... ) I first have to get those exams behind me ....

so.... bye, bye for now!

Have now returned from the shops with ham for pasta carbonara next week. A quick dive into the charity shops yielded two slightly warmer garments and a new fleecier and more respectable fleece. For some time I have been looking for a replacement for my tatty old one (navy blue, with a broken zip) given to my by my ex-sister-in-law. I don't wear navy blue. It's not right for me, and given that I wear a lot of black, which looks better, it just looked as if I hadn't put it together properly. Now I have a pale blue one, which will be a good contrast to most of my jumpers (and I will show up better in the long dark nights, too). My old one feels much thinner, so I hope I will be warmer as well as smarter! If it gets grubby I can always wash it!

I am yawning my head off - time for a siesta!

Phew! (Exams!)

2009-09-18T22:07:00.003+01:00

Phew!

It remains to be seen whether that is: "Phew, I'm glad!", or "Phew, I'll never!" It is certainly: "Phew, I'm stunned!"

I rang the Institute this morning to be told the course director was anxious to speak to me and had been trying to reach me all yesterday. How I missed the calls I don't know: the only one I picked up was one from a pest of a business trying to sell me a mobility scooter (and I know they are rogues). When I eventually got through to him he suggested I sit the two exams outstanding at the October resits and then continue in second year. As I had been sure he would want me to repeat first year I was planning a gentle meander towards the first year residential next week and revising the first paper by doing the first term's assignments, preferably fairly quickly so that I could spend lots of time on the philosophy (which is the one where I am weakest).

Now I have to do what I would have taken two terms to do .... in a month! After he spoke to me I was in stunned mode (it will take me until Monday to make the mental re-adjustment to intensive study - and in particular to clear the decks of domestic tasks outstanding and actually find the textbook!) and have now moved into panic mode, big time!

When I have had a good night's sleep I will email him to ask for copies of the relevant exam papers: I fear I will have to do what I hate to do and work to the exam rather than learning the subject properly. If I pare it down to its bare bones, I only need four topics, two for each exam. That's one week for each ... still dangerous from a standing start when I haven't even opened a textbook for a year! And I am no good at cramming: too much and I can't remember any of it!

I need the exam papers: then I pick the questions on the topics I am homing in on and write bullet point answers to as many variants as I can. Otherwise I will end up reading everything and remembering nothing or, more likely and worse still, attempting to read everything (in a disorganised fashion and with no sense of purpose), remembering disjointed bits of everything and nothing that is enough for any one answer, leave alone getting it into something coherent on the day!

Well, tomorrow I know what to do - washing up and making a chicken casserole for next week and as much tidying up as I can bear to get done.

And first I need a good night's sleep ....

Fluffed it (twice?)!

2009-09-16T19:24:00.003+01:00

I was hoping to get to my school reunion this year (it's a significant anniversary, so more people will be there). The mobility problem means (as usual) that it involves more hassle than just buying a ticket and turning up. Unfortunately I only realised today that I hadn't replied to the email from the organiser (I thought I had long since) and she had already given the numbers to the caterers, so I have missed the boat completely on that one. I have been more preoccupied with sorting the beginning of the college term (and again, fear I have fluffed that - too much lulled into complacency in August on both counts - as we have a new course director (again) I am not known and need references and all the ta-ra. Had to get requests hand delivered too, as I had forgotten the postal strikes were still happening: having been reported earlier, they had dropped out of the news).

I am definitely suffering from a lazy lack of motivation which I suspect to be a vicious circle: not stimulated by study so not bothered about anything; not bothered by anything so not motivated to study. Whatever happens I must do some study of some sort this year: it is all too true that if you pause for a year thinking you will do some reading, you get precious little done (though most of the 'undone'on the practical front, which is was I was hoping to do is due to not having the help of my best mate, who has been spending the year being treated for cancer - a drawn-out and gruelling process).

At least the garden is getting done - I may even have some bulbs in the Spring (though I don't feel the same sense of achievement as I did when I did it myself: I now don't have enough time, even if the digging was done and I could do a little).

crafting ....

2009-09-14T12:29:00.006+01:00

these are three quick cards I did for one of the challenges on Crafts by Carolyn. I have so much cardmaking stuff and leaving it in the (many!) boxes is taking up way too much space! I hope I might be able to sell some for Maryvale who have a huge development project on the go and some for a much smaller one we have going at Church, to make the garden at the back of our premises more attractive. Both are causes dear to my heart.

Cards and ....

2009-09-08T11:06:00.006+01:00

I have been busy with various (fairly mundane) things, among them making birthday cards for dates coming up soon: the one above is for my cousin (the sentiment shows up better than on the scan, as it catches the light - and the card isn't bent, either!) I did another, similar one for a fellow-cardmaker at the weekend (and scurried to post it without stopping to scan).

I went along to post a parcel yesterday and took advantage of my visit to the High Street to get some kitchen scales: the new flat ones take up very little space and are cheap at under a tenner, so I now have a second one to weigh things I am going to post. They closed the handy, nearby post office a year ago and the main one is right at the other end of the High Street; it's not on my way anywhere and I don't need to go as far as that for anything else, so if I can weigh things myself and put them in the post box it will be much less hassle. Likewise I now have a dedicated bucket for washing the kitchen floor, so I don't have to tip everything out of the other one first. (I take things around the house in a bucket rather than anything else - it's the easiest thing to carry and a convenient shape.)

Today I will take this card to the post on my way to Croydon to get clothes for the winter (tracky bums, as ever!) as they have a 20% discount day :) :) I actually remembered to post it and now have various colours of tracky bums for the winter, so that was a successful expedition. I just hope the post is quick; it usually is from here, but recently it's been really slow, most likely due to strikes - they never seem to mind inconveniencing everybody for their own ends. How come class warfare doesn't operate under just war theory?

Fellow-cardmakers: here is the lowdown on materials:

Main card - Imaginisce Trade Winds (a fave series)
Background flower - K+Co
Flower - petals - Sarah's cards, gold brad (and it was straight to start with!) Papermania
Sentiment - Royal and Langenickel rubon.

I have heard from my nephew (an i-tunes credit hit the right spot for his birthday :) ) and my niece is now back in Zimbabwe to work on various ongoing projects.

fruit fly menace!

2009-09-05T10:53:00.003+01:00

The leaking fruit juice attracted fruit flies: it is no more so WHY are there still fruit flies (in the loo! Surely they don't like Harpic!)

I am now on to Luther (familiar territory; in danger of being so familiar that one forgets essentials, but I should be able to get re-acquainted with them reasonably fast).

sticky study

2009-09-04T18:04:00.003+01:00

More pfaffing around this morning: guess who forgot the washing up liquid ... and I had an urgent birthday card to get in the post, too. The persistent sticky patch on the kitchen floor has been traced back to long-forgotten fruit juice cartons leaking from the bottom (so not immediately obvious). I kept wiping up and it kept coming back ... and I didn't know what it was so was not a happy bunny. I obviously intended mixing pineapple and grapefruit juice for breakfast, but that got overtaken by medication :( and the juice left behind.

I have done some study and am now on to Luther, the aim being to revise those familiar topics (and as they are familiar I can see the broader picture, which adds perspective I didn't have before) so that once term starts I can put my energy into the bits that need it. (A persistent little voice repeats "metaphysics" at regular intervals, and that topic could keep me occupied for 12 months on its own!)

I have come to the conclusion you have to do the study first and everthing else round it: as an adult student you tend to think your duty is to other things first. If you do that the study gets squeezed out: it needs a decent chunk of time in one go, or you lose the thread of the argument. Other things (with the possible exception of cooking stew) are not likely to take as long and can be done for a break.

frustration! and moans medical ....

2009-09-03T10:27:00.003+01:00

I am trying (unsuccessfully) to get myself into a decent study routine. OK, let's be honest: some of it is down to too much pfaffing about. Only some of it, though (yes, really) - most of the rest is due to having to work my schedule around diuretic medication and its effects ... for some reason these are a bit drastic and getting serious study done when they necessitate a break every 20-30 minutes, and several of them, is really annoying; you've just got going with the argument and you have to break off again! Added to that I have to have a main meal when it's appropriate, not when I would most find convenient .... but it is a necessary evil, so somehow one must wangle. I can't think of anything that has changed to make the effects more acute, apart from having put on a bit of weight (which according to the Internet, can affect it, but only a bit). Maybe there is some critical tipping point at which weight increase causes more of a problem in various ways and this is one demonstration of it. Good for one's health it is not, so somehow I must lose my appetite (by design this time!) because that is what worked last time.

Study is a great help because it occupies your mind with something interesting so you don't have to resort to the biscuit tin. Now that I am used to the stress of assignments it's not a worry (until the summer exams, but they are not for a few months yet ;) so I have time to lose quite a bit first!) I really need to study: it gives me focus and purpose in a life which would otherwise be dull and boring (and I get a theology degree at the end of it, I hope!) The answer is that I probably need to be better organised so I can cook ahead and have something ready for a quick meal that is healthy and doesn't take too much time.

rare event

2009-08-29T15:07:00.003+01:00

I got as far as making a card today. I still have lots of cardmaking stuff lying around the sitting-room and among that was a card blank and some paper ... so I decided the two could be put together. I was going to make an ordinary card and then realised the design on the paper had holly leaves, so this is what happened:

The background is in fact darker and the gold catches the light, so the lettering shows up better than it looks on the scan. I might well do more similar ones, as I have at last found a use for that holly border (one of those things bought because it might come in useful but has never quite looked right anywhere, until now).

grey blanket

2009-08-26T09:15:00.004+01:00

That's what the weather looks like outside, and bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning I am not! In fact I am miffed because I woke up too early and didn't get back to sleep, so I'm short of it before I even start :(

Update for Friday: weather bright - self still short of sleep (own silly fault this time - late to bed!) gradually getting some study done but need to speed up on that. Nothing planned for Bank Holiday (except possible coffee and croissant breakfast) but sitting by the back door on a sunny day with some study on the go is a pretty good way to live: I like to study and it is my own choice to do so, so it's not like working on a day off. That said, you can feel you never get away from it (the wanna-be-theologian's work is never done) so this time around I hope to plan in a day off (probably Sunday) so I can come back to it fresh. The rest of my life needs a little attention too - as an adult student you don't have the luxury of a life cleared of everything else to leave you free to study and I need to be better at dovetailing it all in.

I've just recently noticed I have to switch lights on at about eight in the evening :( :( and that is not something to look forward to - a sad reminder that all too soon the long, cold, dark days of winter will be upon us. A month of it I could (just about) cope with, but one half of the year is definitely so cold and dark as to be a hassle (and sometimes the other half isn't as much better as one hoped). Mind you, it doesn't make that much difference to reading a textbook (unless it is as cold as it was last winter when I was still chilly with the heating on high)

some achievements

2009-08-25T11:37:00.004+01:00

I've just realised I left you with my scooter seat up in the air. If you've been wondering, it is now (sort-of) sorted: the seat is at the right height, but I can't get the notch that stops it moving to work; if that is right I can't adjust the height - a bit of a mystery as I know the engineer put an extra notch in the right place ... and it doesn't appear to be there!!

Fortunately, I had the young lady who comes to do the garden coming anyway, and she was able to move the seat so we could drop the height, rather than having the engineer come out again. The garden is the one thing that is getting under way: I am so glad to have someone to do it who has some initiative and knows when NOT to use it! She does what is important and doesn't impose her fancies on me - hurrah!

I had a phone call from the other little Madam, which I didn't bother to follow up. She often rings just as she is about to board a train, so I answer, only to be greeted by a brief hello and then the noise of train doors opening and closing (which these days is as noisy as ever as the local ones beep loudly just before the doors close). As there is an indicator board ON THE PLATFORM she must know the train is about to come in: it is so very typical that she just doesn't think it through and realise she hasn't time. So I don't call her back - I might just be tempted to give her a stern declaration that she is persona non grata, with an explanation if necessary! (Should it prove necessary to do so, I will.) She would doubtless be very miffed to know my garden is being well looked after by someone else and I don't fancy the snide remarks (though again, now, I'd have no hesitation in telling her what's what).

Update to progress of study: I spent this afternoon falling asleep over a textbook! Still, I must have learnt more than I would have if I hadn't even looked ... and most of this one will be revision, so should be easier to get done.

However, I have now realised I have two textbooks to read for one topic!! YIKES! Good thing it's the topic I know best already, so if I can restrain myself from taking too many notes (!) it should be possible to cover it quite quickly.

Holiday-time birthday

2009-08-22T12:02:00.004+01:00

It's now a week since I reported. As life goes on much the same way, there's not always much to say .... This week I actually made two cards I had been meaning to make for ages. They were for a friend and her husband: he is partially sighted so I needed to think of something he could see easily, with bold colour contrasts. It was her birthday on Thursday, so I just had to get them done by then (and I did, but rushed to the post in so much of a hurry I forgot to scan them first - so, sorry, no piccies ;( ) .

Earlier on I had got a present ready for the birthday girl: she has had a really rough time for the past little while as her husband has been in and out of hospital with quite serious health crises. I had ordered the pressie some time ago and so it was there ready to be wrapped up in pretty paper and sent to get there the day before her birthday. :) As she is a fellow card-maker, it was a set of co-ordinated materials for making Christmass cards (yes, we really do start this early!) for the sale she usually has for charity in September. Unfortunately she won't be able to have one this year, as she's been very much preoccupied with visiting her husband in hospital until now, but who knows, she might squeeze one in later .... and I've heard from her that she is inspired by my pressie :) :)

So now you know why I couldn't tell you before now .... although I don't think she has had time to read blogs just recently I thought it best to keep stumm. Here is a piccie of the bits I sent:

The ribbons at the back don't show up very well because the scanner light has reflected on the plastic wrappings :( but it should give you some idea.

The time is fast approaching when I will be returning to study, and I am all too aware of all the things I meant to get done this year and haven't!! Some delay is due to my slow decision-making (I like to get it right so it takes ages!) but most is due to the fact that I know what I want to do but what is available/in fashion doesn't fit.

This afternoon is scheduled to be a study time The first course residential is a month away on Friday, so I have four weeks - and four textbooks I want to read - yikes! (That doesn't take account of the ones I could read ... )

Assumption

2009-08-15T10:25:00.002+01:00

I have just been reminded today is the feast, but I won't be celebrating particularly as I haven't any way to do so. It's also the twentieth anniversary of my dad's funeral (after which it took me about three years to re-adjust to feast rather than funeral). What a lot of hurried arranging that took! We had all of five days, as my mum wanted the vicar to do it and he was going on holiday.

The scooter saga has not yet ended: the engineer left the seat too high and I am perched uncomfortably on it. Unfortunately I don't know how to adjust it and can't do it on my own ... but I will have to do something because all the angles are wrong and it digs into my thighs! It is just so annoying I didn't realise until I tried to get onto it several hours after he'd left.

Otherwise I have a birthday present to get wrapped and, still, my application to start studying again in September to sort: most done, but I have to collate the bits of information from three written texts so I don't inflict the same information on people twice (or, worse, three times!). My brain just does not want to play ball.

Back in business

2009-08-13T20:54:00.003+01:00

For some time my scooter has developed a habit of disconnecting itself: it always has tended to when bumping up a kerb or onto the tram, and I just reconnected the key, likewise when it later took to doing it on the flat for no apparent reason. However, coming home from Mass on Saturday I had it do so and then had to spend ten minutes or so persuading it to start again - not something I want to happen when I'm crossing the road! (All too soon we will have colder weather and I don't want to be hanging around then, either!)

Fortunately I was on my way home from the Vigil Mass so hadn't to go out again. I rang the engineer on Monday and he came yesterday to fix it. He had to take it away because he said the chassis was bent (!!) and he would have to straighten things out. I cannot imagine how that could have happened: anything dramatic enough would have been something I would have felt (coming off a kerb at the wrong angle, say, would have de-stabilised the machine and I would have felt it tipping - mega-scary!) and remembered. I can only think that it might have been when I was going over a ridge for which the machine was overpowered and someone gave me a helping push: I am careful not to force the machine or go at an angle, but if someone gave a strong shove to one side and not the other, or maybe one of the little wheels at the back got caught ....

The net result was the manufacture of a new connection to the batteries as the one on the machine as it comes does have a tendency to disconnect: that is the advantage of having the engineer come and service it. I also have a new set of batteries so I can venture forth to the doctor and to Birmingham without fear of running out of steam. It's not so much that I run out of steam, but that if I am nearly doing so I don't get enough warning from the battery gauge: I have got stuck before (usually on the ramp up to the door). That is no joke if it is tipping it down or freezing cold: I have to get off and push it the last little bit up to the door. I have now got wise to the fact that the gauge errs very much on the optimistic side (most are pessimistically set) and I need to turn for home the moment it starts going down.

Otherwise I have done a little study (but must do much, much more) and have yet to send my application in to Maryvale ... and there is financial muddle to sort out, too. (Just how do you contact the CAB? I could do it on my own but as it involves officialdom I want to be sure to do it right)

Red letter day

2009-08-07T21:53:00.002+01:00

My intentions to rein in the eating out didn't last long! I had a phone call from my niece to say was I free (on Wednesday) so we went out to lunch at a local small restaurant - both thought our meals delicious. Followed up with a dive into M+S where I had my first girlie shop and then went on to shop for food and finished up at a pub enjoying a cocktail in late afternoon.

It was a special treat to have time with Isabel: I could have spent much longer talking to her as we only skimmed over topics and her obserations are interesting.

I still need to get stuck into study: unfortunately I have discovered I will have to sort out a financial muddle, which will take too much time but must be done. I have yet to sort out a proper routine: practical before lunch, study afterwards and no swanning down the High Street!

Feast for priests

2009-08-04T13:35:00.002+01:00

This year having been declared a Year for Priests and it being the feast day of St Jean Vianney (patron saint of priests) I turfed out to Mass this morning. I just about missed the rain afterwards by diving into Sainsbury's for necessary groceries and then had brunch and a coffee (on special offer at the coffee shop). Siesta and study next ...

Apple sauce!

2009-08-03T08:08:00.003+01:00

I now have only half a glut of apples! :) Took some along after Mass yesterday: I had promised some to Fr Ashley (ex-Anglican assistant priest with a family to help him eat them ;) ) and some went to the person who often does coffees at evening meetings who (unlike me) has room in her freezer and time to make apple sauce. I had to wait quite a time to speak to her as she was rehearsing Schubert and I didn't want to interrupt. I waited until her accompanist had left (and therefore until the person who barged in to speak to her while he was still there had finished, too) but I got my reward in that my apples found a good home. It amazes me how garrulous women of a certain age will barge in to hijack your conversation ... I was taught better manners than that: one would have thought they might even have known the days when children were seen and not heard ... experience suggests otherwise. Fellow-customers at Sainsbury's were consequently 'treated' to me humming Heidenroslein as I collected my groceries ...

I went to Mass later in the day and afterwards had pizza (congratulations to Pizza Express for introducing a 'light' pizza!). How lazy can you get? Too lazy even to use the microwave at home it seems!! In my defence, I would have been delayed by having to wash up first and just didn't want to wait. That makes this last week one that has been way too expensive as regards eating out, due to the local summer festival and my own celebration of 31st July, but not to worry. This week will not continue in the same vein: I have to stay in and study!

For the moment I have to stay in one place as much as possible: I have pulled a muscle in my back/backside and it hurts when I move. So no flitting around the house doing this and that - sitting studying (and a dose of paracetamol and codeine) is just what it needs. I don't entirely understand why it's so bad as I haven't done anything particularly strenuous, but must have moved awkwardly somewhere along the line ....

There will be no distractions chatting to people either: the rest of the family are all away in France and out of contact (not even available on Facebook!) I only know what they are doing due to fb ....

Digging without drama

2009-07-30T10:12:00.004+01:00

The young lady who comes to do the garden now comes on Tuesdays - she is a great asset as she has enough initiative to get on with it and enough sense to ask me first when necessary. She took some of the spinach her predecessor left as I don't like it (the slugs do!!). I now no longer have an apple tree that touches the ground (but buckets of apples - and no room in the freezer!!) and no longer get a faceful of buddleia when I go down the path (not pleasant if the buddleia is wet and potentially dangerous if there are bees on it). I didn't want to cut it back while there were still flowers on it for the bees and butterflies to enjoy: I was delighted to see both a week or so back. Now the balance has shifted to mostly brown decay - the downside of both it and lilac.

There is still plenty to be done in the garden but gradually it is getting tidier. So much of what I had intended to do this year remains undone, in part the result of my best mate having had cancer and therefore having been out of action for most of the year so far (and most of the rest too, I suspect) and also in part due to the miserable weather (my get up and go is so much more there when it's sunny, and I can make a pleasant day out of going to see bathroom fittings or whatever). I wouldn't be at all surprised to see GPs inundated not only with swine flu but also with depression - three non-summers on the trot must have affected others as well as me. Getting back to study will help.

Goodbye, twice over

2009-07-23T21:18:00.004+01:00

I have finished the book on the July 20th plot (a slim volume).

Yesterday was somewhat traumatic. I had a big filling fall out when I was ill a couple of years ago, following which the tooth gradually broke leaving only a little spike. When I eventually got to the dentist it was beyond repair and she said it should best come out. From time to time I got toothache but not so often it was a problem, so I let sleeping dogs lie (the more so as I and the dentist thought it would be a right awkward job getting it out - I wasn't looking forward to that at all!!) However, I mentioned it to her when she repaired a tooth last week, thinking to have it done in September. She booked me in for this week, so yesterday saw me en route for the dentist after a large early lunch (eating and drinking banned for three hours after the event!). I had a short time in the waiting room (until then I was not particularly nervous, but I dread to think what my blood pressure was doing once I got there .. ).

It all went much better than expected - a minimum of pulling and tugging and no alarming cracking noises. Paracetamol and codeine took care of the ache that came on when the anaesthetic wore off and by the middle of the night it had settled down (though now there is a twinge - so paracetamol tonight, I think, just to be sure it doesn't keep me awake)

The best thing is, it won't now surprise me at an inconvenient moment by aching like fury (what is it about toothache that is so penetrating?). It's always had a tendency to grumble and I didn't want it to do so at the wrong moment (like on the morning of an exam!) so once rid all I have to worry about is the philosophy ....

Unfortunately I'm still short of sleep as I woke up early and didn't get back to sleep :( Can't make that one out! Have at last removed all the passe fruit and veg from the kitchen, so hope the fruit flies will now take flight elsewhere. How come we never got them in the kitchen at home? I need a closed container for compostables but all I can find is a family sized one.

Short and sweet today - I'm yawning my head off so an early night!

Awry?

2009-07-21T10:20:00.004+01:00

Was planning an assault on the flab (yet again!) but got waylaid by eating at the local pub (half price food on Mondays ;) ) on my way to WHS for biros, where I picked up two books as well - one the book of the TV series by Lawrence Rees on the Allies and Stalin, the other written by the only surviving member of the July 20th plot to assassinate Hitler. Both I'm glad to have: the TV series had so much detail I would have liked to watch it again, and the other (bought on the anniversary of the plot) will be a fascinating short read (even if I did fall asleep reading it last night!!) Redeemed my sins somewhat as I did not need any supper.

Otherwise, for my next book Henri Daniel-Rops on the Reformation is calling loud and clear!

2009-07-19T18:06:00.003+01:00

Have been chilling most of this week. Must get my application finished and posted (trust the PO to go on strike just at the right moment!) and start studying - it is becoming urgent and the more I can do the better chance I have of getting through. Besides which, NOT studying leaves me feeling as though I've done nothing worthwhile ... yes I could sort out the house from top to bottom, BUT it is slow, soul-destroying work and best done in small doses with plenty else to fill the rest of the day. It would be nice to have the kitchen free of washing-up and the sitting room more-or-less presentable, so I can study most of the time and just top up the domestic as and when (M+S do the cooking when the study gets urgent!!) The conservatory door must be done as it is just too cold in winter (and therefore unnecessarily costly to heat the rest of the house) and the same goes for the bathroom. After that we will pause. It's a shame my break from studying, and therefore the time when I am at a loose end, comes just when the people who do things go on holiday: August would be the right time to organise such things.

Half alive???

2009-07-16T11:27:00.002+01:00

Not updated for some time. The relationship between my modem and the Ethernet cable which came into its life along with Windows Vista has never been easy (lots of persuasion needed to get modem to recognise the connection, usually involving plugging and unplugging and/or wiggling of leads)and on Saturday it finally broke down: no amount of wiggling, waggling, plugging or unplugging would persuade my Inernet connection to work :( :(

Contacted Virgin, who said I needed a new modem and they would send same. Same is now up and running (obviously, or I wouldn't be writing this!!!) One thing is for sure, giving up Internet access for Lent would be impossible - I'd be so bad-tempered it would be misery for all around!! And I do actually need it as a means of communication and, sometimes, to get around the mobility problem: where I cannot easily go in person I can easily go online.

Other than pacing the floor and wondering what is happening in my absence, I have been sorting out my application to study in September. I have dawdled so much in First Year that my original application has lapsed: a bit embarrassing to have to contact my referees again, but if my case is convincing enough it should not be a worry - just have to get it sorted.

Dentist is done - but more to come. I have to return to have a tooth out: NOT NICE, but better than it flaring up at some inconvenient time (like the morning of a philosophy exam!!) which it has done more than once (thank heavens for paracetamol and codeine!). So there is a potential problem there which is better out of the way (and once I've been brave, that will, hopefully be IT).

Cool!

2009-07-10T12:59:00.004+01:00

The weather that is, not me! Haven't updated for some time, mainly because there's not much to report. The chicken salad lost its appeal (where have I heard 'must try harder' before?). In this case more accurately, must keep going long enough to get results! One thing I have noticed is that my ankles are not so flabby which has to be a good thing and means its easier to keep a check on the fluid retention.

Enough of the health problems - I am getting to sound like a little old lady swapping details with anyone in earshot ..... booooring! I have a slightly more unusual, though not uncommon, one at the moment: a filling gone AWOL :( Appointment with dentist organised, but have to wait till Monday to see if I will actually be able to get there - oh the joys of finding accessible transport!!). Still, the good news is that I will have to go to the dentist sooner rather than later, and so it will all be sorted by the time I next start at Brum in September.

More positively, I got myself a haircut and in the process of talking to the hairdresser about my wilting garden (how come that didn't include bindweed and ground elder???) discovered she has a daughter who is looking for work gardening to earn some money for uni. Daughter came on Wednesday,was polite, asked what I'd like done, and if I minded her using the strimmer on the sides, and got rid of the plants between me and the water tap. Hurrah! Her mum says she likes to be told what needs doing (so probably won't suit my mum) and so that suits me fine: there is so much bindweed and ground elder she only needs to know what they look like to be kept busy for weeks!! I don't need anyone with great knowledge at this stage (and her mum and mine both know what we don't if we get beyond that). The weather at the moment is too chilly for my liking, but just right for my carrots.

Scorcher!

2009-06-30T10:48:00.002+01:00

I am liking the hot weather. One major advantage is that chicken salad actually becomes something you want to eat, so I am yet again making an attempt to lose some of myself: much needed! Strike while the weather's hot, so I decided on a kick start and to aim for a lower total than I am entitled to: that is hard work, because it doesn't give you much leeway (and the only option for lunch was tuna as all the sarnies were out of bounds). Unfortunately the weather will all too soon not only cool down, but turn cold (16C is NOT summer weather!!) although I'll be glad for the Maryvale people who are doing exams, it makes the chicken salad look a bit sparse.

I didn't sleep last night - it happens once in a while and usually means I am a little wound up about something and not even aware of it - a shame as it will probably be too hot for the rest of the week to sleep well: by that time the heat will have penetrated into the house.

Techno-success!

2009-06-24T10:31:00.003+01:00

I now have Windows Mail up and running!

I have had this computer for 15 months and have been getting my emails direct from Virgin: OK as far as it goes, but they only stay on there for three months, and sometimes I want to keep them for longer (as I discovered when I wanted to reply to one from Christmass).

I thought Virgin must have, somewhere, the information on what settings to use for them. At last I found it! Not only that, but I managed to set it up and file all my emails in the appropriate place. That kept me busy for most of the afternoon, after which I went to M+S for some nibbles for the social meeting I was going to later in our church hall - the local branch of the Council for Christians and Jews (hurrah! something more interesting than the ubiquitous sausage roll on the menu! I have nothing against sausage rolls, in fact I like a good one, but they always seem to feature, big-time!) There were very few people there, and no smoked salmon :( (someone comes who obviously knows where to find some that is really good) but I enjoyed talking to the vicar of a local church, who was discussing liturgical practice with someone from the local synagogue - liturgical debate is not confined to the church ...

For someone who is a techno-dunce, I am quite proud to have got the nous to set up Windows Mail all on my own!

The Artistic Stamper

2009-06-18T14:17:00.001+01:00

The Artistic Stamper

This place has blog candy if you are into papercrafts. :)

At last, I have plucked up courage and rung the Course Secretary at Maryvale, who said I should ring back on Monday to speak to the new course director .... EEK! I was hoping she would just send me an application form .... My nervousness about going back is right here!! But then I won't be shot of that until the end of the academic year, whatever I do, and I have to remember I actually have nothing to lose: if he says no, then that will happen anyway and may be for the best, and not to act is to say no myself.

So first I will write an apologia, so I have my ideas straight. Jean says she is looking forward to me coming back, which is great.

Hassle?

2009-06-17T22:06:00.004+01:00

Madam was supposed to contact me about removing her chest of drawers this evening and I have heard nothing ... not even a reason why she hasn't contacted me about it. It's no hassle keeping it but I want to get it sorted so that either she takes it or signs it over to me, and then I will be free of her meddling. On her last visit she was meddlesome, rude and bullying so she is definitely persona non grata around here!! If I had any doubts, after that she has well and truly cooked her goose!!

Otherwise, life is ticking along much as usual. I have not yet contacted Maryvale ... must do that soon so I can plan for next year, and still need to get sorted as concerns reading - sort out time and a place to do it.

My best mate had the operation she needed for ovarian cancer on Monday. No detailed news of how she is, but she was feeling well when she went in, and they didn't have to go as far as they thought they might in operating, so that is good news. What is not is that the chemo had not shrunk the tumour (every case I've read about where that happens has ended with a short respite and then a recurrence of the cancer, aggressively, after which treatment is unsuccessful and life comes to a quick end). Let's hope for something good: she had much more energy (enough to go swimming to get herself fit!!) and was able to eat more, which are both positive signs.

Return?

2009-06-14T12:22:00.003+01:00

Just dropping by to report that I have now discovered Facebook! Another place to hang out (and great potential for essay-ducking!!). From which you might rightly conclude that I am beginning to get geared up to start studying again. I've made contact with some friends from Maryvale, in particular one who acts as a contact between students and staff, especially when the Course Director has to be away. I am a little wary of going back, yet again, to first year (I am already notorious as the student who has been through first year a record number of times!) the more so as the course director has left and we have another new one, so I don't have the continuity with when I finished last time and with the course director who recommended I take a year out and re-apply, who also said that I am intellectually capable of the course.
I will just have to write a decent application and I've already got some ideas together on that; the friend I referred to above has already spoken to the Course Secretary and is looking forward to me coming back ....

so, COURAGE!! (which I fortunately don't have to exercise before Tuesday as Monday is the Course day off).

Wet, wet, wet, very!

2009-06-11T08:40:00.004+01:00

No, I'm not into retro music ... just describing my wait at the tram stop yesterday! The ten minutes I waited coincided exactly with a big black cloud being all too productive!! I had mistakenly decided that i) the tram was about to arrive (I must have just missed one, in fact.) ii) the cloud was going not coming - both of which mistaken conclusions led me to be at the tram stop rather than under cover. As a result I got soaked.

One object of the trip was to spend a voucher I had before it expired, which I did, but unfortunately not on precisely what I wanted - a top with some embroidery which would have been a change from plain t-shirts. They didn't have my size, so I got two more ordinary ones, one black (a girl can never have too many black t-shirts, and in the winter they come in handy as vests).

The other was to have a closer look at the new Waitrose. It doesn't have a great choice as it's only small. It is obviously geared up for the many office workers: the patisserie section is disappointing (cup cakes or cup cakes) with a larger section given over to filled baguettes, and it is the first supermarket I have been to where you can get a takeaway coffee. By this time my wet body was feeling chilly, too, so I had a mocha to warm up a bit (from Starbucks next door, so I could sit inside). Waitrose also, for some reason, has masses of fresh pasta and sauces to go with it, but not the smaller dry pasta I was wanting, nor much of a selection of ready meals. It has a huge space given over to tills, which does mean you get through the checkout quickly, but does not really have enough choice for a major shop: it's there for a useful top up on the way home and as such has a place.

Madam appeared on the scene to collect some things she had left in the conservatory: she literally cannot keep her hands off my garden and threw some gratuitous snide remarks at me along the way, so roll on next Wednesday when she is due to collect the pine chest. After that she will have no reason to be in contact (and if she tries, I will declare a pressing, urgent and irresistable interest in Aquinas, the Reformation or whatever!).

Now for some light relief:

What is the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?

The pigeon can still put a deposit on a new Ferrari.

Yaaaaawn

2009-06-08T09:18:00.004+01:00

My own silly fault - yawning my head off is the result of too much surfing in the wee small hours ;-) , but I have caught up with two people I wanted to contact: without online contact I'd be very isolated (and in the winter it beats going out in the cold to post a letter any time!).

I decided that as I was definitely NOT bright eyed and bushy-tailed, I would go into Croydon to return some trousers and mosey around a bit. Did the first and then had a look around Allders haberdashery (I spend way too much time looking for the ramps - they are tucked away behind things - and I fail to see the logic of putting haberdashery in the middle of pots and pans and toasters! Literally in the middle - go too far and you suddenly come upon the ironing boards or the bins!). However, I did find this for my friend Nicki, who makes the cushions:

Found!

2009-06-06T10:35:00.003+01:00

My niece is out in Zimbabwe working on projects to do with theatre out there: she being someone who is busy, busy, busy, I never manage to catch up with her first-hand ..... but I thought she must have a blog somewhere if I could only find it! Well, after meandering around Facebook, I found her wall and the blog ..... SO ......

Auntie is watching you!

I couldn't help smiling at the similarity of our blog headings - hers is ZimAntics, and a lot more interesting (I strongly suspect we also have a concern about drains in common .... my back garden might have reminded her of Zim townships until recently ..... although out there right now that is no laughing matter: she was visiting with people who were treating cholera patients, though she doesn't do that herself. The history of cholera in this country is testament to the importance of drains ... )

Time I stopped .... anyone would think I was obsessed by them!!

She is convinced of the importance of the arts (and in particular theatre) in effecting reconciliation of the tensions out there. As she has always loved theatre it is great that she can do what she loves and find it rewarding (if very challenging). That is a bug I never got. The English tuition I had at school was boooring in the extreme, with the result that I know (knew!) more of German and French literature than of my own, an omission I always mean to remedy sometime. I know it was the teaching wot didn't do it because the one year we got a decent teacher my marks went up - too bad that wasn't the O Level year: I might have passed it. As it is I'm more likely to read about the ideas through philosophy just now.

The other bug I never got is the Africa one. I just find that culture annoying, probably because over here it's out of context (I'm sure what I find too loud coming out of people's car windows doesn't sound nearly so loud in the open air with miles of bush around you). And I disagree more than a little with multiculturalism and political correctness. I was brought up to be polite and kind to everybody I met, and I will do that, and it is part of being so to be aware of what the other person might need (enough not to give Muslim visitors sausages for tea, at least!) but the extent to which other cultures appear more favoured than the majority one is way out of line. To favour any minority is surely as much to treat them as different as unjustified discrimination; if you favour a minority you are still singling them out as different. If resentment (or worse still, support for the BNP) is the result, it is hardly surprising. Add to this the fact that multiculturalism appears to mean "any culture so long as it not white, European and Christian" and it's not surprising there's a lot of ill-feeling around (and people who don't deserve it will suffer as a result).

Time I got off the soapbox! I was burning the (past) midnight oil catching up with Izzy last night: I have spent more of the wee small hours online than ever I spent partying or writing assignments!!

Job done!

2009-06-05T14:00:00.005+01:00

I now no longer have an overflowing drain outside the bathroom/kitchen: man has come and cleared it out, removing two stones, twigs and loads of nasty sludge - the hardest part of the job was disposing of that. We suspect the stones had been on the drain covers, which otherwise fly away in the wind, being flimsy plastic, and got dislodged in a high wind. That would explain the blockage. It's also the first time it has had a pressure hose onto it so I suspect it's the cleanest it's been for years. I also got him to quote for the conservatory door, as I only have one quote so far.

While the builder was here I spent some time sorting things in the sitting-room (neglected for a while) so as to be near at hand. There's much to be done there still ... but first on the list is the washing up. (Neglected while out in Croydon, but I think it's happening faster than I create more.) Again I have done a job which I have been meaning to do for weeks - putting steriliser in the washing up bowl. Soaking tin cans leaves a nasty grey residue, and the steriliser bleaches it. Given that I often have washing up soaking in there, sterilizing is something that's a good idea for itself.

Success!

2009-06-03T12:24:00.004+01:00

Spent too much in Croydon yesterday, but I did get trousers!! Several pairs (so I am set up for a while) which will cover scorching (shorts, worn with a skirt over them outside the house), middling (crinkle cropped), and chilly (lightweight tracky bums). Also grabbed a thicker weight pair of tracky bums as it was there, in short length and in my size (and, sure as God made little green apples, if I went specially to get, wouldn't be!!).

The shorts/skirt combination will be interesting ... I got bigger shorts than the skirts I got last year (guess who got bigger?) and the skirts go over the shorts ... !! I also got a pair of light lime green trousers which I just couldn't resist, and two tops, one to go with them and one extra. This time I got wise and got pure cotton as cotton polyester always goes into little bobbles and looks manky by the end of the summer. Theoretically I could get skirts in the sales, but I always manage to miss them, mainly because I can never get my head round the shops getting rid of their summer stock just as the weather gets warm enough for it to be worth buying it! And last year I was probably engaged in a frantic catch-up on the coursework at the crucial moment!

Came home in a packed tram (someone forgot that the Tax Office at East Croydon tips out at 4.45 ;-) and got entertained by office gossip (hadn't a clue what it was about, but more interesting by far than whining kids). So I now know there are people in the Tax Office who live here (as it was only just on 5 pm, that's the most likely of the many offices as they finish earlier).

And this year, I haven't had to do a Tax Return, so I could even smile at them ;-)

Summer delayed

2009-06-02T10:58:00.005+01:00

Went to Croydon for summer trousers (only have thick tracky bums at the moment) could not find what I really wanted so made do with one pair to have something: checked the long-range forecast to find that the change to colder weather coming on Wednesday will last a while. :-(( So no need to hurry, I can wait for the ones I like to come back in at M+S or order online.
Wesley Owen did not have what I wanted in stock, and I discovered British Bookshops have shut down - that's two of my fave craft places gone in six months ....

Just as well I ordered the books I need to study from Amazon. They will arrive to keep me busy while the weather reverts to April - most depressing - we're owed two summers this year (and next, but I've exams next year so I want them now!)

I am still getting used to being able to choose what I do and not being bullied into it - and that after only two months - just shows how much it was high time she went. There is no way I could study with her around and that I need to do.

Having a year off was right, but it has had me realise that I do need that focus otherwise I focus on all the things I would love to do but can't, on the sad decline in health (comparitively: I am comparing having an ongoing health problem and having to take medication for it with not having been ill for 30 years; some people have to take insulin or whatever all their lives). That said, most people of my age can still look forward to exciting travel and exploration: mobility problems mean my love of meandering around historic buildings (my favourite exploring) is frustrated.

Study is something I can do, satisfies my need to explore (there's plenty of reading matter out there!!) and at the end of it I might have achieved something: a good degree. I can actually study better than when I was a student first time around: I did not average B+ for assignments in those days!

Sunny Sunday

2009-05-31T12:17:00.002+01:00

Weather forecast promised a scorcher, but it's now revised. That's the bad news: the good is that it's much more even, so Tuesday is not going to be as cold (but why do we still have an East wind??).

It is so nice to have enough peace and quiet to get things done. I read Ann Widdecombe's two books (Act of Treachery and Act of Peace) this week, after hearing her at our local Arts Festival, and now I will go out for an early lunch, so more later.

Catch up!

2009-05-30T10:25:00.004+01:00

How good it is to be able to catch up on some of the tasks I have neglected over the past few weeks!!

There is still washing up! (As I live alone I leave washing up for a while so I can get stuck in to a stack rather than using water, soap and time in dribs and drabs, so there is often some to be done). At least I can plan when to do it (while lunch is cooking) without being required to deal with the garden! I have scarcely had time even to cook over the last two weeks, as I have had to accommodate Madam's whims - it does need intensive work, but from someone I can trust to get on with it most of the time without my having to argue about it!!

Two long-standing jobs have been done: I have removed out of date stuff from the fridge and on to dustbin and have also, at last, made contact with someone about the drain which has been overflowing for weeks (every time I remembered to do it, it was the wrong time of day to ring, or the weather was not right - freezing or throwing it down). He thinks it might need more than he can do, but he knows a man with rods, so that is under way. I can also have him free up the outside tap.

I had promised to send a wedding present to a friend of the family from both me and my mother. When I looked at the invitation again in order to answer it, it occurred to me that it might well be an announcement rather than an invitation. So I rang my sister to ask if she wanted to add herself to the wedding present, and checked. It was indeed an announcement, so it makes more sense for my sister to send the joint present (and she already has Euros) and I will send a card. One more task outstanding off the list!

Next week I must ring college (about study next year), and get on with sorting conservatory door and bathroom. September is not so far away, so I need to get into a decent routine of study (and one thing is for sure, Madam and study would have been totally incompatible!! And should she even think of dropping by, I will have plenty of study needing doing ;-) thus a very good reason to say goodbye straight away!). When my brother dropped by on Monday he said: "Being the end of the month, I presume you have an essay due .... " As I have taken a year out, no, but he's got the message!

Result!

2009-05-29T10:59:00.005+01:00

Haven't updated for some time, during which events have moved on, to what looks like a successful conclusion.

Started the Monday speaking to sister about Madam; sister pointed out that I could not follow up anything she had told me. She and brother, who was over visiting mum, appeared at the door around lunchtime, so I sent Madam off to get supplies (she took forever to go!) while we put our heads together, and decided she must go, NOW, and forever. (They were worried she might be a risk: I don't think she is dangerous or malicious, just has a tendency to take advantage, and somehow make out that you are in the wrong if you disagree with her - besides knowing less about gardening than I do, and much less than she made out.)

Altogether more hassle than help! And I have enough hassle in the ordinary way, thank you!

My sister stayed until she came back, and she somehow got into an argument with my sister, which I let run so my sister could see the way she acts. She was downright rude, and finished by leaving to go to see a place she might rent. That left us free to pack up her stuff (including another load of washing!!!) and leave it where she could fetch it. The weather was cold and wet, so the washing could not be dried (and typically, she had not thought that through: a look at the weather forecast should have had her realise that it might well not dry in the conservatory as it had the first time).

I don't know that I ever actually said she had outlived her usefulness, and I couldn't hear all my sister and she said, but I/we have drawn the line on her doing the garden. When she rang to collect her things, I said I was sorry it hadn't worked out. She has a pine chest of drawers in my sitting room ('parked' in an earlier move when she hadn't room for it) and I have told her I want that out of the house asap. Fortunately she is missing it a bit, and so I could ask her to take it away. She tried to say her future was uncertain (implying she might want me to hang on to it??). I said very firmly that I wanted all the ends tied up, and therefore would she collect it as soon as possible: charity shops will collect from your house if you ask, so if she moves on it does not need to stay here!!

I do not want sight of her or her belongings again!! She had the cheek to inform me her washing was wet and heavy - what did she expect me to do? I have very little space even to dry my own laundry! She also said: "I thought you'd like some fresh vegetables, but you prefer to get them from Sainsbury's in plastic bags!" when I asked her to take what she could use of the ones she had planted. It is typical of her that she worded it so it showed her in the right and me in the wrong, besides completely ignoring the fact that she got the seeds to use with kids she thought she would be teaching and then used my garden to keep them going!!

Again, I don't think she is malicious: she just does not think things through and re-invents life to suit her (was there ever a likelihood of her teaching those kids, however much she wanted to?). I think she wants life so much to turn out how she would like it to be rather than how it is, that she takes as real a vague possibility, imagines that she can do something she would like to be able to do (designing my garden!) so vividly that she loses the distinction between reality and imagination.

I wonder if it's manic depression ... I know that's an older term, but it describes very well her capacity for grand ideas (or even little ones, like getting washing dry!) that are in fact totally impracticable, and might account for her capacity to rush at things without thinking them through, too.

My impression of her is certainly of someone who is always rushing from one thing to another and never staying still, which again would fit the manic, and most of her rushing is to meetings/demos of eco/feminist groups rather than anything more practical (like volunteering in a charity shop).

Sister also remarked that her fear about Madam was that she would somehow worm her way into the house and stay: not as likely as she thought as my experience with Maggie (who started well and ended up bossy) has made me very wary of having anybody else under my roof for long, and I had already decided that I would not let her stay the night again. She had the cheek to suggest, re the chest of drawers, that as I was in such close contact with my family, I should get one of them to move it!

I cannot believe her nerve!! She would probably claim she did me a favour in lending it to me: from what she said at the time, she needed somewhere to store it as she was moving to a place where she had not room for it. Anyway, brother is too far away and sister has hurt her foot, so she can forget using them!! I can see I will have to chivvy to get rid of it, but get rid I will!!

One friend on CBC remarked that I had the patience of a saint and she was surprised I had not resorted to GBH over this woman. There is a wealth of indignant exclamation marks, and I have come within a nanosecond of yelling at her: "THINK, YOU SILLY LITTLE GIRL!!" loud enough to be heard right across London! I wondered where that impulse had come from, and realised it probably dates right back to reading the Jennings books and the description from them of: "You silly little boy!" (though I don't remember any more than that).

Crikey! This is a long one, and if you have got as far as this I have indeed tried your patience. Thanks for your company.

Holiday weekend

2009-05-23T16:05:00.003+01:00

Holiday from Madam, that is (it's also a public holiday this weekend). She rang on Friday to ask what the weather was like here: it did not take me long to suss the subtext of that one; the plants might need water and she was checking up on me. They didn't get it until today, by which time the lobelia looked a bit sad - limp and lying flat in the tray. Even allowing for its being trailing lobelia I wonder if it will recover. Everything else appears OK (though I will be in the doghouse if it is not swamped). The veggies probably need more water than I had for them so I must get the hose up and running again. It is so much easier just to spray everything and, if you stand and do it rather than leaving it running, not too wasteful. After two non-existant summers hosepipe bans will be the fault of Thames Water leaks not people watering gardens!!

Uh-oh .... she's back! Someone has been trying to get me on the phone: eating late lunch first time, late for Mass second time, and the phone has just gone again .... looks like I'll have to see what's up ... if I don't, I will get an angry enquiry as to why she is the one who always has to ring (because I want a bit of peace and quiet!!) ... I have spent the last little while debating whether I can leave the plants a little longer for water and stretch out the respite for a few more hours ..... but three attempts to make contact is as much as I can stretch, I think.

If I could just persuade her to dig, remove weeds resulting from same, water and plant as agreed and no more she could be so useful to help me get things going again .... but the game is not worth the candle.

Respite!

2009-05-20T13:43:00.002+01:00

More hassles with the garden - gradually more earth is showing as the ground elder disappears BUT she who is doing it will not confine herself within her competence .... grrrrrr! We now have (yet more) unsuitable compost! Partly my fault, because I told her of the stuff in Sainsburys. At which she got not the one bag (to try) but two (why, as we already have masses of ordinary compost from her last trip?) and then decided it was no more suitable than the other. She then appeared with two large 'drawers' made of plastic covered wire mesh, into which she proposed putting earth, which she thought would bring the level of the earth up to that of the ramp, thinking I could then lean over to water the plants more easily. I can water the plants quite well enough already: what is stopping me is not the level of the garden but the lack of both garden tap and hose, which need attending to. The mesh baskets will, anyway, look completely out of place: my garden is designed with gently curved spaces, and they are square. Besides which, plastic covered wire mesh looks manky after a short while, as the plastic breaks apart and falls off (which will cause far more bother than watering the plants, as it will, somehow, have to be removed). But no, raised beds are what I should have and therefore she is determined to put them there. I allowed her to put lettuces in one, as she has got some seedlings which need transplanting, and I can remove that one once the season is over. She also has carrots in a planter (same plan as lettuces). However, we still have the other basket to 'negotiate'! So I will have to think of an idea for that one, fast! Eventually they may well come in much more useful to protect young plants from the birds (or the weather, with something draped over them). And still my little seedlings are drowned in water .... I know they need a fair amount when they are young, but ....

The garden does need a fundamental rethink so that I can get to the things that need attention, and so that where I can't get to is arranged for minimum attention, but I need an experienced person to do that, not someone who muddles along on the strength of once having been taught less than I already know (or so it seems!).

Fundamentally, I am trying to confine her activities to what I can easily reverse: I think those baskets are small enough for a bloke to be able to move them elsewhere, and as I haven't got a veg patch organised it's fair enough to put the lettuce in there where I can reach to pick it. I will have to have stern words with her in due course, to disabuse her of the idea that she is 'designing' my garden. When she originally proposed working on it she was planning to do a course and thought it might be a suitable project for a practical. I should have refused then, but the garden did need attention, and I thought something might be achieved under suitable supervison (though I did wonder whether I would pretty soon be on the phone to her tutor to discuss the way she was working ... ). Without experience behind her and some input to rein in what she does not think through properly in her enthusiasm (sense should surely have told her to get one bag of compost at a time, given it was one we had not used before) there is no way this will work long-term.

Added to which she flounced into the house, in a huff for some reason, saying; "Well, I'd better get on with my washing so that I don't have a completely wasted journey!", and promptly proceeded to put her washing in my machine, only stopping to ask if I had anything in there already!!! (I had actually been planning to put my own load in ... ). I thought that should not go unquestioned, so once she had done the washing I asked her why she had seen fit to do it here rather than in her own place. Her answer was that it was cheaper than the launderette!!

Even allowing for the fact that she might consider herself a friend as well as an employee, that is a bit of a cheek!! All in all, she is too much in the habit of taking liberties, whether with my garden or anything else ...... and I share the family tendency to give someone the benefit of the doubt and avoid confrontation. I would very much like to lose my temper and have some real fireworks!! Only then would I say what I really think (which I think is not unreasonable) and if she then flounced off so much the better. I must first see if I can find someone else to take over, as the garden does need looking after. I think it is not unreasonable to point out that what I may have thought possible under supervision is not possible now that is not the case. And still there is plenty of ground elder which she could turn her mind to getting out: that she can do.

If your patience has not been so sorely tried that you have given up reading long since, you will be wondering where the respite comes in: she has gone to Edinburgh for three days. HURRAH!!

Early bird!

2009-05-17T06:28:00.004+01:00

What am I doing here at 6.30 am??? Sending a message to my friend on C by C who's doing the Moonwalk right now! Reckon she'll need the encouragement at this stage! Then back under the duvet! :-)

Back later ....

didn't get back to sleep :-( so had another short night. Well, at worst I'll fall asleep reading later on ... My lavender bushes are not going to arrive - had an email from Homebase to say they had not come up to scratch and therefore would not be dispatched - shame! Might get some marigolds instead, as they have the reputation of being good for keeping beasties away (though I'll believe that includes slugs sometime the other side of eternity!!). They might just do for the greenfly, better than chemicals if they do.

Getting my hands dirty ...

2009-05-16T09:46:00.005+01:00

In an effort to direct the person I have digging the garden, I had ordered some plants. (If I have something definite in mind for her to do it might stop her flights of fancy .... ) They arrived on Wednesday, so yesterday she arrived (after having told me off for not contacting her at once: I didn't because I was busy and knew I needed some time to see to them). She then proceeded to inform me that they would be OK planted in ericacious compost (the nearest we had to suitable, but earth might have done better). I did at least persuade her to mix some earth with it, but she still mixed it 50/50 where I would have thought about a third was as much as was wise. She then proceeded to press-gang me into potting them up (hence the dirty hands) which I don't mind, but for the fact that she then bullied me as to how to do it. Yes, I know they need water, but the earth I was using was quite moist and I was going to water the pots once I'd finished: I know young plants are thirsty, but they don't need a flood (and my conservatory floor certainly doesn't!). She is just far too hasty (not to speak of thinking she knows everything: I had suggested we might need appropriate compost for young plants when she went to get some, and she dismissed that as unecessary). When I explained I was intending watering them when I had got them in, she nearly screamed at me: "You think because you were a teacher you know everything! Well in this case it's your turn to learn!"

I am the first to admit I know next to nothing about gardening, but it appears I have picked up the odd thing here and there (probably from a combination of my family gardening every weekend and my eating Sunday lunch while Gardeners' Question Time is on in my own place!). Madam knows a little, maybe (though I begin to wonder .. ) and thinks she knows it all. Such people really are most awkward to deal with: her only virtue is that she knows what ground elder looks like and she can dig - I just wish she'd confine herself to getting the ground elder out because there's plenty of it!!

I am at a disadvantage because I have never dealt with plug plants, and don't remember my mother using them either. Next year I will definitely go for larger plants that can go straight in - less work, and I have some idea what to do! These came as 76 or nowt, which if you get 4 varieties is an awful lot of little plants needing looking after!! My sister took some when she came, to share with my mother, so I hope some of them will survive!

Must go to the post office .... and then get my hands dirty again with some more wee plants ....

Errand to post office (and pub lunch) accomplished. The second was in celebration of the anniversary of my reception into the Church (no, you are not getting numbers). Did some shopping on the way home, and discovered the local ironmonger doesn't do much garden stuff (and I forgot the loo rolls .... so might need another trip tomorrow). Update: loo rolls purchased on the way home from Mass, ditto seed trays in case I run out of pots and I have discovered Sainsburys has organic compost, so if it is not too heavy I might be able to get some as and when I need it, or even ask Rosie next time she's in there, as she has a car and goes anyway. Have since checked and I can only just lift it, so one for the car rather than my scooter basket, methinks .....

Arts and crafts

2009-05-11T17:24:00.004+01:00

The local Anglican church (the original town church) hosts an annual Arts Festival, during which some local craftsmen show their wares. Most of them are ladies who craft, and two of them produce lovely jewellery. I fell for some of that, as you can see from the piccie above: the top two are for my niece and the other one is for my sister. They both have birthdays in the summer; one in June, the other in August. I have just realised I have a sister-in-law to buy for, too, so I'm not done yet!

One lady, an art teacher, was exhibiting embroidered pictures, and I fell for one inspired by the Mackintosh rose. When I went back today to have another look, I decided I preferred the bluebell pictures she does - there's more detail and more perspective, beside which the rose looks a bit 'flat' (I don't mean by that any adverse comment on the design: it could not be otherwise). I'd like both, but however much I love the craftsmanship, at £145 for the bluebells and £90 for the Mackintosh, I'd have to think seriously before buying either one, and both is well beyond reach, however much I would love to have my own work of art.

Domestic .... bliss??

2009-05-08T10:08:00.002+01:00

Chance would be a fine thing!! Today I hope to make a card for the 5-a-day challenge over on C by C - I have something that will fit the bill, the difficulty will be finding a way to use it. (If I succeed, I'll add a piccie.)

I forgot to mention that yesterday I actually had the rubbish ready the night before (there was enough room in the dustbin, too), so no unholy rushing around before breakfast, for once!! Then I remembered Monday had been a Bank Holiday and they won't collect until today, anyway!!

This morning it has been raining, so I will have a rest from seeing to the garden :-) and better still, the little seedlings will not need water :-) :-)

More of the same (again) .....

2009-05-07T09:51:00.002+01:00

I have not updated for some time: there is a limit to the number of times I can inflict the squeaks and creaks of my somewhat malfunctioning body and the fits and starts of my domestic affairs on blogland!!

With regard to the first: knee much better, shoulder still creaking (but that always does take longer to respond). With regard to the second: sorting paused, much spending on garden. Digging and cultivating is in the hands of a somewhat capricious person, who has ambitions after garden design and therefore way too many ideas without, necessarily, the knowledge to put them into practice. I wish she would confine herself to digging out the ground elder (which she is capable of doing and I am not). Yesterday I dispatched her to the garden centre and she returned by taxi (necessary expense given that she was bringing back compost for the garden). What was an unneccessary expense was the purchase of organic compost for the whole garden: this may have been my fault as I had agreed to it for the veggie seedlings she is nurturing, and maybe did not make it clear that I did not intend using it for the lot!! Given that she is terribly eco-conscious I should have seen that coming .... I am not that much fussed about what I put my flowers into - I am not going to eat them, so whatever gives them a bit of a boost will suffice. So I spent more than I had reckoned on, which is annoying, but not so much so if you consider that is the first time I have spent out for compost in the whole time I have been here (apart from an odd bag to plant some things my mother bought for the garden). I have ordered lots of little plants for the edges of the garden (where there is some hope that I will be able to reach them with water ...... ). I chose those things I know can cope with lack of water, just in case the summer is good (and to take account of the likelihood of my getting round to watering!!) and they will give a little colour so there is something else to look at apart from the weeds.

I would like to get the garden properly planned by someone qualified to do so (that would be an expense, but worth it in the long run, although I need to find out just how much expense .... ). Unfortunately the young lady takes this as a slight on her capabilities and protests that she did do a six-month course some ten or so years ago. She does indeed intend doing a garden design course, and suggested my garden was ripe for her to use as a demonstration of her skills. However, she is not doing so now, and whereas I might have been happy for her to go ahead if she were (and I would have made sure she would be well supervised by an experienced tutor before I finally let her loose!) I really don't think she has the knowledge to do it. Unfortunately, like many, she is not aware of her own shortcomings: she has enough knowledge to think she knows it all without enough to keep her out of trouble. She also, infuriatingly, dismisses any knowledge I might have as not worth consideration. While I would be the first to admit that I scarcely know which way up to put a plant, I do have the advantage of having had a mother who was a keen gardener and from whom I have acquired a little knowledge ....

Domesticity reigns!

2009-05-03T11:01:00.004+01:00

I had hoped to deliver the Marie Curie cards to a fairly local craft shop, and gave them to a friend to take over (as it's on her way home) only to find that they should have been posted to the organisers direct .... and they don't have a freepost address. I will gladly make cards for a good cause, but if a firm are sponsoring it I would have expected them to arrange postage: I had assumed they would collect the cards from the same outlets as they had used to distribute the plastic sleeves for the cards, but no.

I have treated myself to a number of the distress inks (from a member of C by C who had them surplus to requirements) and meanwhile have been sorting my craft stuff - a long process! Necessary in this case because it was all over the sitting-room floor and my arm needed another go from the osteopath (who comes to me as it's awkward for me to get to her, and finds it easiest to work on the floor). So now the stuff is sorted in a general way (card, papers, peel-offs, stickers etc. all have their appointed place) but the fine-tuning is still to be done (embellishments need to be sorted by type, and the same goes for the peel-offs, of which I hope to have a whole lot less fairly soon!).

After the osteopath's previous visit I wondered why my knee was twingeing, as she had not worked on it to such an extent that it should. It was only when I did the second stint of tidying that I realised that all that kneeling on the floor (it's the only space large enough when I have lots of sorting to do) would have been quite enough to stress it out, particularly as I had no time to stop - the state the place was in I had to keep going till it was done!). So I asked her to work on that as well as my shoulder: result - Friday night I could hardly move! My knees ached like they were seriously bruised.

And all big sorting is banned for the immediate future! (Fortunately I can do the more detailed sorting sitting as I only do a part of the stuff at any one time.) And any tidying only to be done in small doses - hurrah! When I get back to studying I plan to spend the morning dealing with things domestic (I am not a morning person!) study in the afternoons, and make cards at the end of the day (nice relaxation before I go to sleep). That's the theory, anyway! ;-) There are sure to be diversions (shopping expeditions to Croydon!) and if I am due to hand in an assignment I will be studying all day for a week, without a doubt! I'd like to have Sunday off, too, as I think it's good to have a complete break as it can get to feel like a drudge, instead of the pleasure it really is, if you don't. One result of my enforced (and necessary) break is that I know now that I study because, fundamentally, I enjoy it, not just to prove a point or to give me something to do.

Cards, kitchens and chairs

2009-04-30T10:57:00.003+01:00

I spent yesterday sorting out some cards for the appeal for Marie Curie. I was hoping to make lots of new ones, but my craft stuff is still in such a muddle I find it very frustrating - I know I have something just right, but where? So, on with the sorting!

As the deadline was today, I raided my box of cards, some of which are from the days when all I knew was peel-offs, card and paper, so seriously simple and boring ... but if I show them to non-cardmakers, they are quite impressed!! So I hope the same will be true of the Marie Curie customers. I haven't stopped to scan any piccies, as they really aren't any great shakes. There is now a little room in my card boxes for the next few makes. I wish I could get hold of some of the Marie Curie bags, then I could put some ready for next year - which is forward planning in the extreme, but as I will make way more cards than I could ever use or sell myself I'd like to have them ready for someone else to sell.

At the moment, I'm working towards using my huge stash of stuff, some of which I wouldn't choose again (top of the list: all those peel-offs!!) They do have their uses - mainly for a quick and easy card (and the local craft shop has taken some of those simple ones because my style on those is very mimimalist compared to most people making cards: it has to be as I can't ask for much for them. And it has the advantage of looking distinctive - why make what everyone else does?) I just wish they'd smarten up the fonts a bit - script is so yesterday!!

First thing this morning was my usual runaround collecting rubbish - having missed the bin men by five minutes last week, I was anxious to get it all together in time this week (and it can't be done the night before because the foxes might find it - if they do they make the most awful mess scattering the embarrassing contents of any black bags all over the place: that is a lot of hassle, bother and unpleasantness for me and the neighbours). I also had to pack up the pieces of a mug I had elbowed onto the floor. I am glad I did that - the mug was one I didn't like at all and had come into my possession I know not how (probably via my ex-flatmate) so good riddance rather than a tragedy!! I find the boxes that washing powder tablets come in are great for packing up breakages: they're about the right size for the item and some newspaper and made of really strong cardboard so the glass doesn't poke through.

Enough for now - my newly-upholstered chair is on its way here: it's now arrived, and looks very smart! The fabric is much brighter than I had thought - brick red. I like, but might not blend so well with other colours - particularly the mushroom/sludge of the carpet around here!! (I think it must have been the cheapest thing available as I know someone else who moved into a rented flat with the same carpet.) One day perhaps, I will get rid of the carpet .... I'd love to have something nicer in a leafy shade - as the sitting room opens on to the garden via the conservatory I want to start there with colours that are an extension of the garden and take that through from back to front. Something neutral but warmer and cleaner looking seems right for the study - cream or biscuit perhaps.

Blog candy!

2009-04-27T21:20:00.002+01:00

One of the members on C by C found this blog candy - it's a really generous gift of some wonderful crafting goodies, so wander over and have a look:

http://passionforcrafts.blogspot.com/2009/04/blogoversary-candy.html

I have been trying to make cards today, but not got very far, otherwise I have been doing boring things like getting someone to come to look at an overflowing drain (which needs something more fundamental doing to it I fear - where there was one pipe draining into it when the house was built, there are now three, and I don't think the space was enlarged to take account of that so it blocks easily).

Tomorrow someone is coming about the conservatory door ...

and that is quite enough about the minutiae of keeping a house in good repair!!

Kitchen drama!

2009-04-25T21:08:00.004+01:00

I had planned a really lazy lunch for today - all cooked in the microwave. Got both parts ready and was taking the chicken in sauce over to eat it .... when I dropped it on the floor!! The good news is, it landed right side up, so I could still eat nearly all of it!! But I had tomato sauce all over the floor (and in the most surprising places!) so my quick lunch was delayed while I cleared it up (and I didn't dare put it back in the microwave in case I dropped it again!). It is quite amazing just how far tomato sauce can splash!! I was given some very cheap microwave dishes, and they are awkward to carry because the lids don't fit properly ... maybe I should invest in some new ones ...

Otherwise, nothing much doing today apart from usual Mass and making cards. One long-standing project is a step nearer action: my neighbour has given me the name of a glazier in our parish who might be able to do my conservatory door. He phoned me today and is coming on Tuesday to see what needs doing. I will look forward to being able to close that door, and lets hope my estimated bill is even more way out than I suspect it will be! And it will keep the foxes out, too - a fox leaving his calling card on the floor is even worse than a slug coming to visit (which they do if it's hot in the summer).

Blog candy!

2009-04-21T09:52:00.003+01:00

Not mine this time, but a super-generous opportunity over at:

http://theartisticstamper.blogspot.com/

I have some of the earlier little birdie (have yet to use him) and love the style. Stamping is one of those things I intend getting into - I have just discovered the how-to that Carolyn wrote, so hopefully that will save me some false starts! But right now the task is to make some cards by the end of the month, so for the moment I will stick with what I already have/know. I have this little window of opportunity to give to others: it may not last long, so I have to enjoy it now - a surprise for a friend, something given to a cause I believe in .....

I have continued to sort out, and in the process read again the letter telling me how much I need to pay for heating next year: that is going to make quite a dent in my finances as they are both collecting the arrears that are the result of last winter (fair enough) and basing their estimate for next year on this year's usage. Given that this winter was the coldest for 20 years, I hope it is an occasional blip rather than the norm for my outgoings (!!) which they are presuming it will be! As I have the money right now, I must contact them and ask if I can pay the additional amount in one installment, and possibly some in advance. As they only adjust their figures once a year (and anyway, the summer period would not be a good indication) I will have to wait until next year to see what it is actually costing me. I must also see to replacing the conservatory door: not being able to shut that must have added to my expenses as there was a draught from outside and for the first time since I moved here I could not get warm. A new door will also be double glazed and better insulated which should do even more to ensure that I don't waste money heating the cold from outside.

She with the tendency to bright ideas came to do some work in the garden - there is plenty of ground elder to clear - down to earth work which needs doing and will keep her out of mischief! I learned from GQT that that nuisance was introduced into this country - I wonder precisely who we have to thank for that .....

I should contact my course director soon: September will come all too quickly, so I need to start getting things organised (and I have plenty of reading to do .... ). I seem to be filling my time with plenty else meanwhile (see above!)

Sorting, but not sorted!

2009-04-17T23:42:00.003+01:00

Well, today I have been sorting! There is just so much to sort in this house!! There was a huge pile of leaflets by the front door and I decided to attack that this morning ... and I am still not through it. I had to break off to do some general tidying so I could use the sitting room floor (!!) so went for 'emergency mode' (resorted to when I have a deadline to meet) which means I put everything into bags to get it out of the way, rather than sorting it properly I have to make those cards for Marie Curie next, as they have to be done by the end of the month and I need to allow time for posting them to the appropriate place, so I might not get back to sorting very soon .... but I'd like at least to finish that pile. I also need a couple more of those canvas totes: bags never look anything but messy and horrid. Some things might not be needed again (the very thickest of the winter woollies?). There will always be things around because my sitting room is also my 'back door' so anything that is on its way out of the house is parked ready by the French windows, and I usually have a pile of stuff I'm working through, too.

Candy winner, sorting.

2009-04-15T08:53:00.003+01:00

Picking the blog candy winner is first on the list today .....

and after I did my thing with random.org, the person top of the list was:

Ferretti

sorry to keep everyone in suspense overnight! I was just so tired last night I would have left someone out, so I did it just now after a good night's sleep.

I am looking for the papers I want to use for my Marie Curie cards and cannot for the life of me find them! I must start on them today and hope to get a good few done. The ones I ordered from Arty Miss have arrived, so at least I have some of the daffodils to choose from.

Meanwhile, I have spent the morning sorting my (vast) collection of peel-offs into a concertina folder so I can find the one I want more easily. I didn't realise I had such a stack - I know I tend to buy just in case I can't find the same one again. Nowadays I prefer to use die-cuts, but these are quick and easy and best for a batch of cards - a step further towards the Marie Curie cards, as I intend using quite a number on those. and if I have them in some sort of order I won't spend so much time looking for the one I want ..... somewhere.

One more stage in the sorting out process which needs to be done right through the house (!!!) and it has freed up a box which I can use for various Christmassy bits, which I think are worth keeping separate as you do only use those for a limited time.

Back to business

2009-04-14T10:44:00.006+01:00

Time to get back to business today! So I am wondering which is the most urgent/appealing of the tasks on my plate .... near the top of the list must be the kitchen, which is the most awful disorganised muddle (much of it washing up to do!). I hardly have space to eat, leave alone to cook .... (just as well M+S are doing that today and all I have to do is put it in the oven!! ;-) ) Actually, working my way through a pile of washing up is something I find rewarding (it probably helps that it is self-generated and I am not dealing with stuff that other people have used and left, which would most likely make me cross!).

The Red Cross shop has bags for sale, the sort that are being sold everywhere now for you to use for your shopping, so I got some to use for the things that are all over the floor - like the pile of books waiting to go, the newspapers for recycling .... All there because it's the most convenient place (and if they are not visible I will forget to take them!) but the bags will keep them together (and look as though there's method in my madness, rather than looking like I just can't be bothered). It will not be so long before my mother is back. I'd like to have her come to visit and appearances matter to her (I can turn a blind eye). I also took clothes for recycling so that's that more gone that I don't have to tidy again! At least now I can go out without having to wrap up, so I can make a trip when I like, not just when I absolutely have to: whether I dare put my jumpers away is another matter - maybe the thickest ones?

The other thing I must keep up is my Lent resolutions (limited success on those so far). The freezer is as full as ever (though I think some of that is because it is even more iced up) so all the more reason to use what is there as it needs defrosting badly. Warmer weather means that chicken salad and fruit have a bit more appeal, so maybe some hope for the waistline, too.

Tonight I must do the draw for blog candy, so I can let people know who has struck lucky.

Lonesome tonight?

2009-04-13T22:47:00.003+01:00

For some reason I am much more conscious of being on my own, even though I've not been alone more than usual (if you read that again, I think it makes sense!) Can't make out why ... family being away, best mate being ill and not visiting?

I seem to be much more conscious of the negative things too; the only reason I can think of for both is that I am not studying this year ... and now I am beginning to miss it. I need that focus to give meaning to everything else: to get a reasonable mark for an assignment is a positive thing, and I need that positive, hard-won though it may be, to counter the negatives.

Misty Monday

2009-04-13T13:58:00.002+01:00

Another lazy day of chilling out .....

Meandered to Mass this morning (well, it was warm-ish, and I had to go to the shops anyway) followed by a leisurely breakfast toastie at the coffee shop. Then to the shops, ending at M+S. Only time will tell whether my purchase of a pair of cropped trousers is canny forward planning or reckless optimism!! Whichever, it is a suitable compromise between overexposure (sight for sore eyes) and being shy (not my style) and useful as for so much of our summer the weather is not quite what it could be.

Must now get organised as I intend making some cards for the Marie Curie appeal this week - I have so much stash and there is a limit to how many cards I can sell myself. This year is a window of opportunity for me to do something for others, too: next year I'll be back to studying, I hope.

Soggy Sunday

2009-04-12T22:48:00.004+01:00

and the whole of the rest of the week, if the weather forecast is accurate!!

but, in fact, today was not as bad as the forecast suggested.

HAPPY EASTER!

I spent today being very lazy - breakfast at the coffee shop followed by a snack at the pub: coffee shop busy, pub dead quiet (!). Decided to wait my slap up lunch (courtesy of M+S!) until tomorrow as I hadn't slept much and so wasn't lively enough to appreciate it fully. This was partly, but only partly, due to coming in from Easter Vigil Mass at midnight. It was good to be there, even if I wish I could attend a High Mass with a professional choir (or ours as it was when I first came to the parish). For that I would have to go to London, and that would mean a longer journey late at night - not a good option, and not with the community where I belong. I wish I could belong to somewhere that had good music, because I really appreciate it (even if my own singing sounds like a drunken orgy: that is probably why I prefer a Mass sung by a choir - they can do so much more and make it really special in a way that reflects better the tremendous event it is.)

It was also cold in church. We have the heating on a timer, and no one appears to think to change it when we have a Mass or event at a different time from usual .... I'll have to keep chipping away at that one. Fortunately it was not as cold as it can be: if it is really cold the chances of me giving any thoughtful attention to things spiritual for more than two seconds is nil!!

I am really glad I was able to 'do' Easter properly this year: last year I couldn't because the weather was so bad, and how important are the things I wish I could have when you think of what we are celebrating and how much people suffer in other places if they attempt to celebrate Easter .... and on Maundy Thursday I was very aware of how much we would have risked by any celebration right here had we been in the sixteenth century.

Rather a solemn post (but then it is the most solemn three days of the year ... ) and I have every intention of celebrating for a day or two yet!

To return to everyday things ... the neighbour whose cat had stayed a night or two came with chocolates and a plant for me and I asked her to have a quick sniff around to check if there was any other evidence of his presence, but none was found, so I will presume there will be no nasty surprises to find - thank goodness!

Stowaway!

2009-04-08T12:18:00.005+01:00

I suggest you don't read this if you are just about to eat/have just eaten ....

A friend came to do something in the garden on Monday afternoon and when she had left I found a little string of brown beads on the bathroom floor, firm, dry and about the consistency of plasticine. I assumed it was something from the garden that had got caught on her clothes, but couldn't think what. Yesterday I found another one on the living room floor on my way out to the shops, and thought: "If I didn't know better I would think that was an animal dropping." (I don't keep an animal, and I hadn't seen or heard one coming in with me ... )

Yesterday morning my neighbour's mother called and asked if I had seen their cat. I told her I hadn't but if I did I would let them know. About 8 pm last night I suddenly heard the loudest of noises, not a miaow but one that could be a cat, just outside the front window, and it went on for a time, though it didn't sound like a fight. It was the loudest cat I had ever heard, so I rang the neighbour. Meanwhile the cat noises stopped. Next thing I know, my neighbour is at the door saying please could I come because her cat was my side of the door. So I go to get my keys and see a large black cat by the door!!

Cat and neighbour are now reunited to her great relief. I am a little worried, because if that cat was in here from when he disappeared on Sunday evening he must have left more behind then I have found, most probably a smelly damp patch, which needs disinfectant quick ... but there is not room to move the furniture easily and I cannot, anyway, do it myself. I have checked the most likely place he could have been (on the bed in the spare room - cats like to be comfortable!) and there is nothing there and no smell. I will ask a neighbour to come and check later: someone coming in from outside will be more sensitive to any smells.

I cannot understand how he can have been hidden for so long without making himself seen or heard, especially as I have been cooking since and I would have expected any cat to appear as soon as I started. He must have been both hungry and thirsty. Just where has he been hiding???

Blog candy! (for C by C)

2009-04-07T12:05:00.004+01:00

I promised my friends on the Crafts by Carolyn forum some blog candy to celebrate the forum's seventh birthday. That happened on 12th March ... but the candy didn't arrive until afterwards :-(

It is here now:

so any member of the Crafts by Carolyn forum who drops by to leave a comment between now and midnight Easter Monday will have a chance of this addition to the stash.

Croydon shopping, Nikki

2009-04-05T19:05:00.008+01:00

I promised I'd do some piccies of the stuff I bought in Croydon, and at last I'm on the case! Here's the first:

It's not quite what I was looking for (I was looking for cheerful or pretty; I think this comes under the heading cheap and cheerful)but if I made a mistake it cost me less than a cappuccino, so I can't really go wrong ... and I hope it will be right for one of the kids.

The second one is the opposite extreme, maybe a little too sophisticated, but I fell in love with it! I have another project in mind if it isn't right for the kids.

I am pants at getting it on the scanner straight! Mind you, to get it really straight I'd probably have to iron it, and I don't DO ironing!!

Anyway, it will show Nikki what I've got so she can decide if it suits - in reality it's nearer navy than royal blue, and has and is shaded with purple which hasn't shown up on the scan.

She of the feminist/eco/demo leanings dropped by and remarked that she liked to come because I was so quiet and peaceful (and this time - no mishaps ;) :)) ). That is something I aim for: to have a place that is welcoming and peaceful. I never have been the sort of person who buzzes around doing, and if I 'do', I do slowly and quietly - who knows, maybe she will pick that up and relax: I have wondered if her tendency to rush at ideas comes from her mother being the sort that buzzes around doing (something I have never experienced: we were more the sort that sat talking about anything and everything after supper). If I can tidy up the sitting room a bit, it will be more welcoming - something to do this week in case people come by after Easter.

stamps

2009-04-03T12:45:00.003+01:00

I've just spent some time ordering sheets of stamps from the Royal Mail website. A friend on C by C reminded us that the rates were going up (again!) on Monday, and it's quite a steep increase. It also saves me the hassle of going to the post office right down the other end of the High Street: I hope I have enough stamps to last a good long while.

Must go post some Easter ribbons, otherwise they will be no use!

shopping

2009-04-02T19:12:00.005+01:00

I've been wondering if my last was a bit mean ... I don't like to be negative, but perhaps I am not being so, just straight. Enough of that frustrating circumstance and on, to more such!!

As it is now possible to go out without looking like a mummified creature and I hadn't been for some time, I decided to go to Croydon for a mosey round and to see if there was anything promising for a friend on C by C who makes cushions for Kids Company.

The kids they work with are abused and deprived and it really makes a difference to them. I remember hearing from elsewhere that some of the kids who do burglary don't have any sense of what it means to be robbed of your possessions because they have spent their lives in children's homes where they haven't had anything that is their own, so I can imagine it must be a great help to these kids to have something made for them. I can't imagine that sort of deprivation or how their own parents can be so vicious.

But I am beginning to see where the Nazis might have found their concentration camp guards ... I wonder whether their propaganda had the same sort of desensitising effect as the abuse: some people would have been subjected to it from a young age ...

To return to the shopping expedition -

First frustration: they have moved the haberdashery department to the basement, where it is much more difficult to find, difficult to see what they have (and no longer conveniently near the ladies' loo ;) ).

Second, the remnants box yielded only miserable pieces of nylon material in the dullest of green and brown and had neither trimmings nor buttons.

Third, what was in the sale was the sort of stuff, again polyester or the like and rather flimsy, which you would use for carnival costumes or party dresses - though gorgeous red and gold. I found one lovely red and gold cotton in the sale, but realised it was a pattern of little holly leaves!!

They did not even have the craft cotton they had had earlier. I did find one bright stripe in the sale, which if it is a mistake is only £1.60 worth of one, so I got that even though it wasn't quite what I wanted. (What I really wanted were small flowers or daisies.) I also got ribbons and buttons, but not in the sale, and a really nice dark bluey purple fabric with doodled flowers on it in white. I suspect it is a bit sophisticated for those kids, but if it is I have something else in mind for it.

I think I was probably too late for the sale and too early for the new stock. As is always the case, they had no idea at all what they might have coming in or when - everywhere you go they say all their stock is supplied from elsewhere and their job is merely to receive what they are given.

I am expecting some more craft stuff for swaps and projects on C by C which I hope will arrive tomorrow so that I can get them posted before the new rates go up (by quite a jump - which will be no help to struggling small businesses .... )

Summertime???

2009-03-30T17:40:00.006+01:00

Well, I've kept away for a few days now, so time for an update. Mum and sister are away in France for Easter, so maybe my brother and family will come here for a visit.

The advent of BST came, as usual, with the weather anything but appropriate! Saturday was cold, wet and windy, but Sunday a little better, and I was able to get to early evening Mass AND BACK in the light, which makes me feel things are on the up (and the long-range weather forecast is promising reasonable weather over Easter, too!).

On Saturday, too, someone I know came and we observed the hour for the earth - switching the lights off for an hour - NOT something I was planning on doing, but she had come by on her way home from the demo in London (she is into every cause going of the pacifist/feminist/eco variety and probably more besides) because she hadn't anyone to observe the event with and thought I might be free. She is one of those people who somehow manages to cause disproportionate disruption in my house ... and this time I was left with a jumper that had candle wax all the way down the front, which wouldn't have happened otherwise because I wouldn't have been sitting by candlelight!!

That is just typical - she doesn't actually mean to disrupt, it just happens - every time!! In a sense I can't really blame her as I moved the candle, but if she hadn't been here I wouldn't have had the candles lit so it wouldn't have happened. She is also prone to bright ideas which she communicates to me with great enthusiasm and without seeing the practical consequences. Her most recent suggestion is that I could replace the fence (which apparently is in a state of disrepair) with a hedge, thus establishing a more ecologically sound barrier with a bonus for wildlife.

All very well BUT:

- next door is responsible for that fence

- it needs someone who knows how to set it up, and that is a lost art these days

- it is bound to need maintenance, expensively so.

This follows on her giving me a bush for my birthday, despite my reply to her suggestion of giving me a plant, which was that I did not want anything for the garden at the moment as I needed to get the garden organised (and weeded!!) properly before putting anything in it. (It has been neglected since I was ill two years ago.) To add insult to injury, she had chosen a bush which needs acid soil and ours is alkaline ... as she claims to know a bit about gardening, that is another thing not thought through ...

Mother

2009-03-26T10:54:00.006Z

My mother, sister and I are going out to lunch today for Mothering Sunday and my birthday, so I've found this card for her from my box. It doesn't have Mother's Day greetings on it (just as well as that has come and gone, and I am going boss-eyed thinking the paper isn't on straight - if it isn't, and it very much looks like it!, the white being the card blank, she will notice!) but it's a pretty card and will go with the sweet pea kit I bought from Sainsbury's - I saw it and remembered she had said she loved sweet peas, so I hope they won't be too much trouble for her to look after. My uncle used to grow sweet peas in the garden at home and I still remember those.

We enjoyed lunch - my sister works as a special needs teacher for dyslexia and the like, and was filling us in on some of the ways she works, and my mother loved the card, even though it was about the easiest one I could have made.

I've also got some cards for kids to show you - there's a challenge on C by C at the moment for kids' cards. I'm not sure these will count, as in the immortal Blue Peter phrase: "Here's one (or two) I made earlier.", but I haven't been able to show them before because I didn't know how to!!

Birthday!

2009-03-25T13:23:00.005Z

This time it is mine, so I thought I'd share two of the cards that arrived:

This one is from my brother in law - love the design (which has a bit of sparkle that doesn't show up) and the sentiment inside: "Wishing you a lovely birthday and a very happy year." so hope my sister will forgive him for taking precedence as he's signed it as from my sister and nephew, too. Congrats, too, as it arrived before the day.

This one's from my brother:

who said: "A wee card for your birthday with a picture to dream about!" Not such a wee card, and as I have recovered enough from being ill I can do more than dream ... maybe tonight I will have a glass from one of my collection of bottles (which I suspect are of somewhat humbler origin than these). My brother always teases me about the (modest) stash I have, so maybe it's time to consume a little.

Sorted!

2009-03-23T12:17:00.006Z

Gradually, I am getting some of my craft stuff sorted:

1 - ribbons (pink, purple, red)

This is only some of the stash! I have lots of small lengths rather than loads of a few, so lots of choice. The image doesn't show up very well because of the little plastic pockets (they help to keep the ribbons clean and untangled, and it's easy to see what you've got) but you get the idea. The wide one on the mid-left with the butterflies is really a lovely mid-pink, but for some reason it just doesn't scan properly.

2 - ribbons (the rest)

These show mainly white and gold, but I have green and blue and all sorts of others. I think I might have to split them up into neutrals and colours, as I almost have to sit on the box lid to get it shut!

3 - embellishments

again, I've got masses more, so will have to split them into paper-based, wood, brads and whatever.

So now you all know what I've been up to over the last little while ...

My very first piccie!!

2009-03-22T13:46:00.013Z

Now for a major event:

(imagine a drum roll or fanfare, at the very least)

MY VERY FIRST BLOG PICCIE

I have made another of the challenge items from the C by C birthday list - two tags:

(I'm not quite sure how that shadow got onto the scan ... but the image is reasonably good).

I used papers from the same pad as the one I used on the gift bag I made for the first challenge I did:

The challenge asked for a tag, or even better, two .. so two I did.
I came across a pink tag and a blue one, so I thought I do a his and hers, and the papers I already had out were a great match. Pink seems to be the colour for men recently so that fits, too. (If anyone knows a pair of twins and needs tags ....)

For those who'd like to know: papers are K & Co, ribbons and fibres from the Crafts by Carolyn shop, tags sent me by someone on the forum.

That's the good news. This week I also have some news that is not so good: my best mate has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer and has been referred to St Thomas'. Not entirely unexpected as she has been unwell for some time and the blood tests she had earlier in the year were a strong indication of that being likely. At minimum it will require an operation, possibly chemo as well. That last is something I wouldn't wish on anybody. And the result will not be a cure ..... things have developed from her feeling uncomfortable with the tumour to it being painful and obstuctive in a comparitively short time, and that concerns me somewhat.

That is a bit of a blow for those who expect life to be fair (and we usually do, especially if we have been taught to share as children, so nobody hogs the lion's share for himself). It's hard when someone you know is always willing to help other people gets hit by something like that (and some who have definitely not added to human wellbeing live into a ripe old age). It isn't the first time and it won't be the last .... because life isn't fair .... at least it doesn't appear to be. Maybe we will only know in the next world why .... maybe it is just not for us to know .....

Spring! :)

2009-03-20T11:10:00.003Z

Today is, apparently, the first day of Spring! Hurrah! Hurrah! Hurrah!

So as I haven't updated for a little while, I thought I'd add to this.

My brother used to run a deli and enjoyed thinking up unusual sarnie combos, but I can be fairly sure he didn't come up with the strange culinary mix that was lunch on Tuesday .....

Haggis, rice and ratatouille!!

You may well ask what led to that unusual event .... if you remember, my Lent project was to use some of the stuff in my freezer and not buy so much new: that explains the Haggis (which had been in the freezer for a long time). The rice, similarly, was something from the storecupboard that needed using, and the ratatouille was the result of not wanting to stop and cook veggies (which also explains the rice, because I didn't want to stop and peel spuds either .... ). To add to the culinary confusion, the rice was pilau rice, so had a distinct flavouring of its own!!

I'm not sure I'd do it again - though I might try it with plain wholegrain rice, because I think it was the pilau bit that really made it a little too strange to be really appealing to the taste (though I wouldn't go so far as to call it unpleasant: there's lots worse, cauliflower cheese for a start!).

As for my Lent project in general: mixed bag! For the first time in ages there is some room in the freezer. Usually this is immediately filled by a bargain ready meal or whatever, but this time I must resist!! There's plenty in there still and I really do need to defrost and start again from fresh. The healthy eating/weightloss side of it is having limited success and I need to tighten up on that, probably by writing down what I consume. As I have mobility problems and therefore cannot stand on electronic scales and get a steady reading, that is the only way I can check progress while I wait for it to show in reduced bulges. Whyever they make scales so complicated I do not see: I don't need to know my BMI, I have enough bulges telling me I need to lose weight!! (and they are really there, not a figment of my imagination! and no, I am not putting up a photo to prove it!! )

I am still busy with events on the Crafts by Carolyn forum - lots of challenges still outstanding. I have been trying to sort out some of my little bits of craft stuff, as I spend more time looking for things than making things, and get frustrated knowing I have just the right thing if only I could find it!!

Birthday bash

2009-03-15T23:28:00.002Z

Again I'm referring to the Crafts by Carolyn one ... and I'm just updating this before I fall asleep ....

I've spent most of this weekend taking part in the above birthday bash - quizzes and crafty makes galore. Some of them had deadlines this weekend, but it would be worth a look because some don't have deadlines and some have longer deadlines. I made my first non-card item - a decorated gift bag (Challenge 12) but that was as far as I got!!

I still haven't sussed how to get piccies on there or on here, so forum blog candy will have to wait - I took one look at the instruction booklet for the camera (choice of English, French, Italian or German in the pack!!) and it was obvious it would take some time to set it up (especially as I am a complete idiot when it comes to computers). I will get it sussed .... sometime! I also have a guide to Windows Vista which might give me some clues - I keep forgetting I have that. So many people can do it, so it must be reasonably possible ....

watch this space (but don't hold your breath).

Birthday! Birthday! Birthday!

2009-03-12T12:58:00.003Z

No, not mine!

The Crafts by Carolyn forum has been running for seven years and there is lots going on over there, so if you like crafting (and even if you're not into it) hop over and see what is happening.

I promised blog candy for the CBC forum today, but it hasn't arrived yet, though I ordered it a week ago (memo to me: don't use that place if you're in a hurry!) so it will be deferred until it arrives - I'll let you know as soon as it does.

I went out shopping today and was quite successful - came back like an overloaded packhorse (again! - but given I use a small mobility scooter .... ) my haul included three jumpers, which was a good thing, as three of the ones I have now have holes in the elbow! The weather is not yet so warm that I can do without, and at charity shop prices they won't break the bank. They are comparitively lightweight so will see me through until next winter, I hope (and possibly beyond, with the addition of a second one on top).

I have spent most of the rest of the day chasing around the Net for the answers to the birthday quiz on C by C - unsuccessfully :( (well, it wouldn't have taken so much time otherwise, would it?)

Fits and starts

2009-03-09T16:30:00.004Z

Seems to describe most things: the weather (winter seems to be giving more comeback performances than Sinatra! :(), my Lenten observances (though I am gradually tightening up on those, I think, as I get more into it) and last but not least, this 'ere blog - oh, I forgot - the washing up, too!

The friend who wanted a cookery lesson came yesterday, and went away bearing my demo Victoria sponge and very delighted with it. I hope I remembered to tell her everything important as I was doing it: the cake was OK so I can't have omitted anything drastic, but it's so easy to assume someone knows something just because it has become second nature to you and you are not even aware of doing it (as I sometimes discovered teaching German). Hopefully I have had enough teaching experience that I did better than when I demo'd on my teaching course - the tutor remarked that whatever I did demo-ing was NOT for me!! That time I had to do it 'back to front' so it was right way round for the audience, which I found really difficult (and it obviously was!) but this time my 'student' was looking over my shoulder as I did it, so I could work right way round. I have another easy recipe which she might like to learn too, just to have a bit of a change.

I never was any good in the kitchen at home: my sister was the practical one, who was allowed to cook (and did Home Economics O Level). I did the washing up (and I'm better at that than some people who come into my kitchen and kindly have a stab at doing their bit, though I'd never tell them as they mean so well). So it's quite a turnup for the book having my cakes so good that people say so and want to know how!!

This Thursday is the seventh birthday of the Crafts by Carolyn Forum, so do hop along there and see what's happening. There are lots of interesting crafty things going on, and lots of odd bits of info on all sorts of things else - whatever you need to know there's usually someone who can help around there. (Current concerns include getting rid of mice and growing veggies.) I hope my prospective blog candy arrives in time - I've yet to suss out how to get a photo on here, so I need it YESTERDAY! Fortunately the celebrations are continuing for the weekend, so I may change the date if I have to: I'll post it on here if I do.

Lovely day!

2009-02-27T12:45:00.004Z

So I am writing this before dashing out to the shops. This week has been good, weatherwise, so I am enjoying the last of it before it goes back to cold, wet and windy (winter's last fling, I hope) next week.

It is the seventh anniversary of the Crafts by Carolyn forum mid-March, and my own fifth anniversary on that forum too!

This calls for a celebration!

So I am offering Forum candy: any members of CbyC who drop by here 12th March will be eligible for a draw on 13th March. Please leave a comment and a means of contact.

Between now and then I will have to get a photo on here so you know what is on offer!! As my family gave me a great digi-camera for Christmass just so I could liven up my life on-line, this will be no bad thing. My birthday is towards the end of March and I will have egg all over (not just on my face!) if I haven't even had it out of the box! Then I will have to suss out how to get the photos on here .......

This last little while has been eventful - my best mate is in the process of medical tests for what is almost certainly cancer, which at best will mean unpleasant medical treatment - for the moment she is easily tired and finds certain things painful and awkward to do. I need to find the right place between taking account of her health and not pussyfooting around, between expressing concern and making a nuisance of myself, and some things I was planning (a joint garage sale as soon as the weather was good enough - possibly in the Easter hols) will have to be put on hold. That is unfortunate (to call it a nuisance wouldn't be right, but it does need doing because I need the space ....)

Well that is the intention for my Lenten observances sorted at least, along with some extra motivation!! (What BBC suit decided to screen the final of Masterchef the first week of Lent, I wonder ..... ???) I'm really glad with who won it because he was a family man and they must have been involved, if only because of the time he spent doing it. It seems they will be part of what he does as a result too, and I hope it goes really well for them.

This year I am not so much 'giving up' for Lent as using what I already have in the freezer - waste not, want not - appropriate in a world where we waste resources while others have not enough. My other objective is to eat more healthily, so less: as I use what I have I can replace it with better. If I can make time to do some cooking, I will be able to avoid the salt in ready meals (how come they do low fat, but never low salt which is just as important?).

Easter should see me with things properly organised and a freezer full of good things to eat, both tasty and good for my health.

Must away!

Woo-hoo!

2009-02-22T12:23:00.000Z

Went to Vigil Mass last night and didn't have to swaddle myself up! Not only that, but it was still nice later on (not that 'bite' in the air :) Hurrah!

So today I am having a lazy Sunday morning ... For most of my life I have gone to Mass in the evenings - firstly because I had the option and so could do Sunday lunch while the Anglicans went to church, and then because leaving it till Sunday night meant I spent more time thinking about Monday's lesson than Mass, and if I went on Saturday I avoided that distraction!

Best laid plans

2009-02-21T15:53:00.000Z

A whole week since the last update!

At least you've been spared the blow-by-blow account of the weather (from the North?).

I decided to go into Croydon and take back the trousers that weren't right (especially as it was half term, so no unruly kids :) ) only to find the trams weren't running that far as they were repairing the track ... they did assure me it was due to finish that day, so will be back.

Am trying to find a dustbin (oh, the interesting things that occupy my time!) that I can order on the Internet for delivery (small mobility scooter meets even small dustbin might make for a journey home a little too awkward for comfort!!). How come kitchen bins are only made in a size appropriate to a ravenous family, by the way?? I don't want to keep that much rubbish inside, especially if the weather ever gets hot (!)

At last! (2)

2009-02-14T20:33:00.003Z

There is better weather forecast, and it looks as though it might stay around long enough to give us a break, for a day or two at least - and then, with any luck we will be able to enjoy real Spring weather (with, no doubt, some unwelcome flashbacks!).

I finished the Maeve Binchy earlier on - an interesting tale with a real twist at the end, though I wish the villain of the piece had got his comeuppance - he doesn't, although he has been rumbled.

Change

2009-02-12T16:29:00.000Z

It felt relatively benign outside yesterday, so I decided to go to Croydon to replace worn-out trousers, once I had disposed of the rubbish that had accumulated though there being a barricade of snow outside the front door last week.

By the time I was ready to go it had clouded over and by the time I got back it was throwing it down with great enthusiasm - I think the weather sees me coming (or going?) and changes appropriately!! I skipped putting the paper out for recycling as I had intended to do on my return - domestic rubbish I have to have ready, but the recycling I can take to the sites in town if I miss getting it out. I am so glad I have my little heater and can warm up and dry out fairly quickly if I am the victim of such capriciousness. Otherwise, I am glad to say, I have adjusted to the cold a bit and am no longer quite so affected by it.

Nonetheless - I can't wait for Spring! And next time I go to Croydon, I will come back after 4 pm - I coincided with hoardes of schoolkids on the tram, though I had left early enough to avoid the like swarming down the high street as I left - they move like a crowd of locusts and don't look where they're going!!